I Learned My Kids Were Weird From Facebook
While shopping for pants today I was in the dressing room with the girl child when I started taking my pants off. She very loudly asked “Mommy, why are you going potty in here?” Totally mortified I felt the need to very loudly announce to everyone else in the dressing room “MOMMY IS NOT GOING POTTY, SHE IS JUST TAKING OFF HER PANTS TO TRY OTHER PANTS ON.” The girl child looks at me and then says “No, you are definitely going potty because I can see your butt so you have no underwear on either.” Oh my gosh, kill me now. I can hear everyone else in the dressing room attempting to stifle their laughs. “NO HONEY, MOMMY IS DEFINITELY NOT GOING POTTY IN HERE AND YES I AM WEARING UNDERWEAR, ITS JUST IN A STYLE THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO WEAR WHEN YOU TURN 25.” Congratulations kid, we are now hanging out in here until I can be absolutely sure everyone that is currently shopping has left the store.
Expressing sadness over someone who had just died, I assured a small five year old that they would see this person again in heaven. I was a little suprised when the response was “No I won’t! The man that does the talking at the church said she didn’t go to heaven!” Uh….what? “Only her head went to heaven, he said they were burying her body.”
Yea, that would totally rock. Wait a minute. You do have that person. It’s me kid. Thanks for noticing.
When I asked my daughter to help me put the groceries away, she looked at me and said “I didn’t buy any of these groceries, you did, so I think you should put them away.” I thought about it and then said “silly me, you’re right I did buy them all. I guess I’ll put them away and then I’ll make my lunch. What are you eating for lunch? I didn’t see you buy any groceries at the store today. Seems like poor planning on your part kid.” She stands there for a minute and then replies “Weeeeeell, I guess I could help you put them all away if you want to share your lunch with me. This family should be a team anyways.” Bingo! Life lesson received.
I swear if one more kid asks me a question today my head is going to pop off and shoot into space. I seriously just want to scream “FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS GOOD JUST SHUT UP” right now, but I won’t. Instead I will give hugs and change all the clocks so that they think its bedtime…..
And last but not least, the two year old boy child was sick a couple of weeks ago and I told him that we needed to go to the doctor. “You take me to doctor?” he asked me. “Yes buddy, we have to take you to the doctor, your nose is sick” I told him. He looked at me for a minute and said “You gonna take my nose to doctor?” “Yep buddy, we are going to take your nose to the doctor.” He looked a bit perplexed and then a bit nervous as he asked me in a worried tone of voice, “mommy, can we take arms and legs to doctor too?” Yes buddy, we will take all of your parts to the doctor at the same time.