I never delete the text messages from my phone. I’m not sure why, I just don’t. The other day I was waiting to go into a meeting and I was sort of just scrolling through my old text messages and I started thinking about how weird I am.
|My friend told me my son needed a brother and then apparently offered up her husband. I hope you all can tell I was joking.|
Sometimes you also remember that time the nutcase neighbor insisted that you join a dating website and the first guy you meet is weirder than can be. (the second guy was a criminal awaiting his prison sentence, but that’s another story for another time). I didn’t even want to go on this date, I kept telling the Nutcase Neighbor that his pictures looked fake and he was writing me these really long creepy emails. I was so convinced that something was wrong with this guy that I wasn’t about to meet him anywhere at night, so I told him that I couldn’t afford a babysitter and we would need to meet for lunch while the kids were at daycare. I was kinda hoping that would turn him away, but nope. I showed up and guess what? The pictures were definitely fake. Either that or I didn’t recognize him because all of the make-up he had on. Don’t lie to me about what you look like. I honestly spent the first half of the date wondering if he was a woman. To be honest, I’m still not sure.
Not only that, I could not figure out what was going on with this guy. First he started talking about how he normally doesn’t date people my age (we were the same age) because he likes older women in their fifties. Then he started telling me that he likes older women because they make better sex tapes. Then he told me that he actually likes making the sex tapes with men and the older women can watch. Then he asked me if I would film him sleeping with a man and I could watch. Then he told me he only sleeps with men.
After I left I wasn’t really sure what to make of all that. Aside from the super uncomfortable sex talk I did have fun. I really don’t care what your sexual preference is, but I personally am not attracted to guys that sleep with other guys. I didn’t want to date this guy, but he seemed nice enough so I wasn’t sure how to tell him that I didn’t want to go out again. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Coincidentally I ended up getting stuck in a family emergency as soon as I got home and thankfully he handled the situation for me when he sent me this the very next day:
Let me tell you I pulled my profile down real fast after that. A criminal and this guy was a little too much for me.
Sometimes you are reminded how how broken you yourself are when you come across a text a friend sent you after she called you wanting you to talk about your rape. I declined, which hurt her feelings because she thinks I don’t trust her.
Sometimes you just talk about the Nutcase Neighbors