Why On Earth Would I Buy That?

This Christmas my kids and I were extremely blessed by many of you readers. Due to your generosity, my kids had an amazing Christmas. My daughter was able to get her Puppy Surprise and when the “litter” that arrived in my PO Box was so much more than I could have ever anticipated, my nonprofit pulled a team together to pay it forward and brighten the faces of the children in our organization; children whose families have been devastated by domestic violence and because of that are also financially struggling.

You guys really blew me away this holiday season and as I keep saying to people, I really don’t even know what to say. I thought about writing another mushy-gushy post, but to be honest I have no more tears left to cry. I spent Christmas morning crying as I watched my children squeal with glee and I could see that for once, all their dreams were coming true, and then I cried because their dad wasn’t around to see it. I cried when I collected the Puppy Surprise toys for the shelter; happy that so many kids would be thrilled, and then I cried because so many kids shouldn’t even be in the shelter to begin with. I’ve spent many nights recently crying myself to sleep — scared as always for what tomorrow will bring, but also just because I feel so incredibly blessed.

I am so incredibly blessed.

But I simply cannot cry anymore and so in looking forward to the New Year, I want nothing more than to kick it off in the best way possible; LAUGHING! And so with that, here are a few things that I am happy did not show up in my PO Box this holiday season. In a spin off to our usual “Things That Make You Ask Why?” series, I bring you “Why On Earth Would I Buy That?”


 Why is it so apparent that whoever designed this toy does not have children?

Because no kid has ever asked for a “make your own chandelier kit” and no parent has ever jumped at the chance to buy one. Do you know what kind of crafts I like my kids to do?

The ones that they can do alone.

Any toy that requires an electrician be present in order to play with it probably also comes with glitter.
Parents, you know what I’m talking about when I say glitter.


Why on earth would I buy 1.11lb’s full of LIES!?

I’m onto you Big Corporate, you aren’t pulling anything over on this chick…
Why would I buy something if I had absolutely no idea what it was for?

Hum, I have absolutely no idea why I should buy dental floss, but they sell it, so… it must be useful for something! Maybe I should also pick up some jock itch cream while I’m at it, since they sell that too.


Why not buy this?

I can think of too many reasons to list as to why I would not buy this.

Most of them coming down to the fact that it’s Creepy. As. Hell.

I mean seriously, if you are going to go with the fantasy of having a man in your bed, at least get one with a ring on its finger so that you don’t have to sleep in sin.
Why not buy Lego’s that have boogers and spit on them?
Why not take out a loan to buy used clothing that costs over six million dollars?
I’m telling you, if individual pieces are only $10 and this woman has over $6,225,000 dollars worth in that lot, I think I may have figured out the reason Victoria’s Secret’s prices are so high; they have a major theft problem.
Either way a few days later I saw her come across my newsfeed again and this time it appears that the entire lot has gone on sale… it’s now more than $5,500,000 off.
Still though, I’m not totally convinced that it’s such a great deal. But what do I know, I haven’t shopped in the mall for years!
Why didn’t I think of this? 
I’m someone who has sold a majority of my household items to pay bills, but lately I was under the impression that I had tapped that well dry, but I guess that I just wasn’t being creative enough!
Apparently now people no longer sell items in their house, they now sell pieces of their actual house.
“Honey, can I sell the front porch? I want to get some new shoes!”
Why wouldn’t I want to buy a car that looks as if it has just been used as an accessory in a murder?
Why wouldn’t I want to buy a dishwasher that doesn’t work? Did it ever work? I’m not sure. The owner claims that it was “never” used but that it just stopped working “out of nowhere.” Well, did it ever work? How do you know if you never used it!?
That’s why I like this guy better. Straight to the point and not playing any games.
At least with everything I’ve found that I would never buy, I did manage to find two things that I would buy!!

So what about you? What is the strangest thing that someone got you this season, or that you saw for sale? Did anyone bless you with an edible chocolate anus (yep, it’s a real thing), or a pizza pouch necklace so that you can carry a slice of pizza around your neck at all times?

I’m excited to hear what Santa’s more devious elves may have dropped off at your house, so please share in the comments below!

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  • Christa
    December 31, 2015 at 3:46 pm

    Our neighbor asked us to feed her dog for a week. The day they left she ran over and gave me a few gifts, all wrapped beautifully. The large one was heavy, 4-5 pounds. I put them under the tree and didn't think about it again. Christmas day we opened gifts and found the heavy one. Turns out it was a 5 pound beef roast from the butcher shop wrapped up in Christmas paper! No refrigeration for 4 days. We threw it out and just laughed, I really wish she would have told me to open it immediately or put it in the fridge!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      January 2, 2016 at 8:53 am

      NO WAY!!!!


      And who the heck gives someone a beef roast!? And then NEVER tells them to open it or refrigerate it!!!! That’s insane (and oh so funny lol)

  • Mzfuzz
    December 31, 2015 at 11:06 pm

    Nothing weird this year, oddly enough. But New Years is on it's way, so I'm sure by Saturday, I'll have weirdness enough to share.That pillow is seriously creepy, though. And why is it dressed like a guy? Don't guys want one dressed like a girl, too? Seems not well thought out. LOL @ sleeping in sin, too.Glad you had a great Christmas. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      January 2, 2016 at 8:52 am

      I think the ones that the guys sleep with are a different anatomy model… they don’t usually want to “sleep” with the arm part….


  • Ruth Cooke
    January 2, 2016 at 12:12 am

    Okay, most of these are funny and some are a bit creepy (I agree about the pillow), but if you truly don't know what dental floss is used for, then you need to find out! Toothbrushes do not clean in between the teeth, and proper flossing is an important part of dental hygiene. So here's a New Year's resolution for you — please Google “How to floss,” and start doing it. Saying this because I do care.Blessings to you and yours, and hope there's lots of laughter, love and prosperity for you in 2016! ((Hugs))

    • NotMyShametoBear
      January 2, 2016 at 8:51 am

      Hahaha! Right? The dental floos one was crazy lol.

      Happy New Year to you too hun!!


  • Staci P.
    January 4, 2016 at 9:27 pm

    My ex husband's wife said she needed the arm pillow for when he was out of town!! Haha!The only weird gift I got was a yarn bag for my knitting that my nephew thought was an expensive pencil bag!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      January 4, 2016 at 10:44 am

      “Cheating protection, now available in stuffed companion arm.” Haha!

  • afairytale84
    January 5, 2016 at 6:27 pm

    That pillow is creepy. Funny, but also creepy.One year for Christmas, my father decided during Christmas Eve present wrapping that he was going to wrap all of our presents. ALL. OF. THEM. Including the ice cream he got all of us.We lived in Georgia at the time. The temperature in the house that night was approximately 75 degrees.Know what doesn't last long in 75-degree temperatures for 8+ hours? Ice cream.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      January 14, 2016 at 2:36 am

      Oh gosh haha!! So, what did he say when it melted!?

  • afairytale84
    January 17, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    “Oh. It melted. Huh. Didn't expect that.”That was it. We cleaned it up and never spoke of it again. I don't even think he remembered it after that day. Drugs + alcohol = memory issues. ;p

  • NotMyShametoBear
    January 20, 2016 at 3:18 am

    Ha, well, that makes sense.

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