His Wife Found Out We Were Dating

Ok, this has been the strangest week and its only Wednesday. I kind of feel like I might need someone to send in reinforcements just to get me through the rest of the week. Help. I had all these great blog post ideas, but those will have to wait for now, seeing as how my brain is just about fried, and its only Wednesday. Again, help.

Also, just to warn you, I didn’t proofread and edit today. I’m just really tired.

Since I don’t want to leave you all hanging around waiting for me, let me give you a little update on this week so far. I’ll call this little synopsis “Eden’s Whacked Out Life; Where are the cameras?” Seriously, where are the cameras? I have got to be in some twisted reality show version of “The Truman Show,” because this shit just cannot be real.

Saturday: If you read my last blog post, you will remember that this was the day that I got underdressed and went to a really fancy hotel so that I could watch some guy pee.
Sunday: I’m driving to the grocery store and my phone rings. I look at the number and my heart skips eleven beats, because it looks like my brother’s phone number. But it can’t be….right? I haven’t talked to him in 15 months. If you remember from the post “That Post Where I Finally Talk About My Brothers,” we had a big falling out after I stopped speaking to my parents. This brother particularly was the worst. Hundreds of text messages and voicemails telling me to kill myself, to the point where I threatened to press harassment charges on him. The last conversation we ever had went like this Him: Do the world a favor and kill yourself.” Me: “Nah, I wouldn’t want to spend all of eternity with you,” followed by this text, the last thing I ever said to him.
He was warning me that if I didn’t talk to my mother it would be the last thing I did
He of course continued to text me for weeks on end, but I never responded and eventually he got bored. So, this CANNOT possibly be him calling me, right? I answer and hear “Hey Eden.” Yup, its him.
Me: “Yea.”
Him “So, what’s up?”
Me: “What do you want?”
Him: “Do you want to come over to mom and dad’s to talk?”
Me: “About what? Actually, no don’t answer that. We don’t have anything to talk about. I heard enough of what you had to say 16 months ago to know that I don’t need anyone like you in my life.”
Him: “You’re my sister.”
Me:  “Yea, I was, and as my brother, I never would have thought you would have treated me the way you did, but you showed me your true colors and they were ugly as hell. I’m happy now, for the first time in my life, I’m really happy. I’m sorry, but I don’t want you in my life, now, or ever.”
Then I hung up the phone.
I pulled the car over, falling back into my old ways. I sat there thinking of how that was really mean and feeling guilty in how I handled that. How I should have at least heard him out, he is my brother after all. Then I bitch slapped myself across the face and gave myself a reality check. He is a mean guy. I watched him be mean to girlfriend after girlfriend. I watched him tear me to shreds. I’ve watched him drink his life away. I’ve watched him, just like every other abuser out there, say what he knew someone needed to hear just to be able to get them to do what he wanted. Whatever he had to say, whatever feelings of remorse he had, I can’t handle them right now. I’ve made too much progress to be pulled back into whatever dark place he has been living in. My best guess? My mom misses my kids and is using him as a pawn to lure me back in. My hope? Maybe he is changing. Maybe he has learned the error of his ways and like a twelve step program he is trying to make amends. It’s unlikely, and even if that were the case, I still can’t be around him right now. I need to focus on myself, on my emotional recovery. I promised myself that I would never go back to my family. When I walked away, I knew that it was forever, and I meant it. I hope they change, I hope they heal, but my life is too short and too fragile to risk letting them break it again.

It’s not about holding a grudge, it’s not about being unable to forgive, I’m not angry at them. The simple fact is that after years of fighting for my survival, I have finally realized that the environment that family provides me with is incompatible with any form of a life that I want. I’m sorry brother, but I simply cannot be your sister anymore.

Monday: I had a household project that needed to get done, but it required two people. I have a neighbor down the street that loves to take on odd jobs for people, so I asked him if he could help me and I would pay him. He said sure but it would have to be at 10pm when he got home from work. Obviously that is not ideal, but as a single woman with no family, you take the help that you can get. He shows up and we get to work. It takes longer than I am anticipating, and towards midnight he starts to get really weird. He calls me sexy two or three times, starts telling me that any guy would be lucky to have me, and is just generally starting to act really creepy. I call it a night, this project is not worth it, and I tell him it is time for him to leave. He refuses to take the money from me, which makes me even more uncomfortable because now I feel like I owe him something. When we get to the door, and he tries to give me this really awkward hug. I cross my arms across my chest (in defense) and tell him it is freezing so he had better go so that I can shut the door.
Does he go? 
No, of course not! He puts both hands on my shoulders so that I can’t move backwards and then he gets really close to my face and says in the most unpoetic way ever, “Eden, you are beautiful, I will always help you and I won’t take any money from you.” With his eyes wide open he leans down and starts getting REAAAALLLLLYYYY close to my face, and so I do the only thing I can think of and I drop my phone so that I can drop to my knees to “pick it up”, and get out from under his hands on my shoulders. I then pretty much crawl two feet away, stand up, put my hands out, and literally push him out the door while saying “You had better go, and say ‘Hi’ to your girlfriend for me.” I almost hit him with the door I closed it so fast! I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that five more seconds and he would have kissed me. Blech. Not to mention, HELLO live in girlfriend!!
Tuesday: A couple weeks ago I met this guy while I was out. I got his number and we had sort of been chatting back and forth, nothing serious. He wanted me to go out with him a few times, but something was just….off. Like for example, he told me he was an attorney. Now I know that a lot of girls go for the big name career guys, but I don’t. I’ve dated too many doctors and lawyers that were completely devoid of personalities and social graces to be attracted to that title anymore. On the other hand, I have met enough brilliant and hysterical uneducated musicians and college drop outs to have totally accepted the concept that job title and education do not automatically mean they have the qualities that I am looking for. Anyways, this guy tells me that he is an attorney, and I’m kinda like “Blah, like I really need any more “legal” in my life, but whatever, we will see where this goes.” It goes nowhere. I ask him a question, he dodges it. I ask him another, he gives me a fluff answer. Ok, now I’m on to this dude, but at the same time, it’s kind of funny watching him sweat it out, so I’m going to roll with it.
Eventually the joke gets old, so I call him on it. I’m like “listen, you are not an attorney. Nothing you are telling me makes sense. What is up with the lies?” Surprise, surprise, I don’t hear back from him. Like I’ve said before, I refuse to chase a boy, but this was not a boy. This was entertainment. I give him 48 hours and then I text him. This is how it went.
This text started with “You really are something else…” (blacked out “lie to Eden”)
I wasn’t ever going to sleep with this dude, but hey, he doesn’t need to know that. I’m so evil. I’m also funny. Evil, funny, and I entertain myself.  That’s what you call road trip entertainment right there people!
Wednesday: Well, this brings us to today. For the last three days, a woman was supposed to come pick up a bookcase that I sold on a local online garage sale site. She rescheduled with me Sunday, rescheduled with me Monday because she said her daughter was sick, and rescheduled with me last night because her husband was getting home late. Normally I wouldn’t hold an item, but she seemed really nice, ending the last email with “I’m so sorry. I promise I am a serious buyer, I won’t stiff you!” Well this morning I wake up to an email that says “Hi. I won’t be needing the shelf, my husband has something we are going to use instead.” Well sorry lady, you picked the wrong day to mess with me. I shot her back a professional but to the point email that just said “I just have to say, that is extremely rude. You have wasted my time, caused me to pass up other buyers, and flat out lied when you said “I won’t stiff you.” I suggest next time you promise to buy something, you make sure you and your husband are on the same page.” Well low and behold she calls me two hours later, and here is the best part; she acts as if we have never spoken, yet she uses the same name, and calls from the same number that we have talked on before! “Hi Eden, my name is Trudy and I saw your shelf on XXXXX. Can I come pick it up tonight?” I’m so confused at this point by what is going on, that I say yes. Great Eden, maybe you pissed her off and she is coming to kill you.

Nope. Lucky me, she just shows up and buys the shelf. That was so strange.

My brain is a bit mushy feeling tonight, but that’s ok. I have a date with my TV and a bottle of wine as soon as I am done typing this. You know you need a break when you are driving home from work, singing at the top of your lungs, dancing in the car, and you notice the person next to you at the stoplight is staring at you like you have lost your mind. What might be the appropriate thing to do in that situation? Well, maybe not the choice that I made, which was to roll down the window, lean out of the car, and sing directly to them. Oh well. Why be normal when you have the opportunity to be awesome.

Just sayin’…..


You may also like


  • Lotus
    February 27, 2014 at 4:14 am

    Singing to strangers in the car?? Can we start a club for that? It's one of my top hobbies!But in all seriousness, it's really awesome how you stand up for yourself so much. It's hard business, whether it's a weird lying dude, your brother, or a shelf-buying stiffer, but you should be verrrry proud that you took all of them to task for trying to mess with you 🙂 at the end of the day, it's most important that you go to bed happy with yourself, and if the price of making someone else feel good is to give up your own satisfaction and peace, it's not worth it.Also, I'm totally serious about the car thing.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Thanks, it took me a long tim to get to the point of being ok with standing up for myself, and now I need to really watch it and make sure I don’t just turn into an entitled bitch. ;/

  • Jennifer Holter
    February 27, 2014 at 2:31 pm

    Will right more later but one quick question just came to mind about the brother part. Don't you have a restraining order on him?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Nothing that is currently active :/

  • Mzfuzz
    February 27, 2014 at 3:23 pm

    Abnormal is SO MUCH MORE FUN than normal. Screw normal. Sounds like an interesting week. Seems like the universe thinks that abnormal is more fun, too. 😀

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Haha! Very true. Well played universe…well played.

  • afairytale84
    February 27, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    Ah, singing and dancing in the car. It's so much fun!Way to stand up for yourself. It's not an easy thing to do, especially for those of us who were brought up in…less than ideal home environments. It's something I still struggle with and will likely struggle with for the rest of my life. But it's getting easier the more I do it. Hopefully it is for you as well.Hope you enjoyed your date with the wine and TV. Sounds very nice. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

      Thank you hun, I did!! 🙂

      Don’t give up hope, maybe one day you will find yourself with a crazy spine like I have suddenly grown, cuz I’ll tell ya, I sure as heck didn’t see it coming. One day I just woke up and was like “Eh, I’m done being a doormat.”

  • Nicholas Gibson
    February 27, 2014 at 11:51 pm

    Maybe get an agent and submit your life to studios as tv show scripts? Your days are just spectacular, as is your humor.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:53 am

      That is so funny that you mention that, I just had a friend tell me that yesterday. Her exact words were “I would watch your life on tv. If I hadn’t seen a lot of this stuff happen with my own eyes, no way would I believe it!”

      If you happen to know anyone lol…..

  • Amanda Harris
    February 27, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    The bit about no-balls (that's what I'll call the fake lawyer guy) was awesome.Made my incredibly mediocre week.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 27, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Niiiiiiice 🙂

  • Lotus
    February 28, 2014 at 1:23 am

    Completely understandable, it can be hard to draw that line sometimes :/ but in instances like this, you're just telling the truth. No problem with that!

  • Jennifer Holter
    February 28, 2014 at 3:07 am

    Well dang it! Hopefully they wont start another series is abuse. I have my unwanteds blocked. They can leave me messages and text me all day long. And I never even know they are doing it unless I go check.

  • Anonymous
    March 1, 2014 at 2:26 am

    Whoa, you've gone through some pretty rough crap. I have the same problems with my family, my mother is a narcissistic personality who can be loving one second and then mean the next, she doesn't give a damn about what I like, it's always doing everything for her, my brother thinks I'm stupid and mocks me all the time, my sister is overprotective and thinks she's always right about everything and I'm never right about anything. Yeah, right. The only member of my family who actually treats me like a human being is my father, who fortunately is not the abusive kind. Your story just brought home all those realizations for me, because my whole life has been controlled by my family. Only now am I actually able to do what I please with my computer and am looking forward to getting employed and moving out and living my own life. You're brave for standing up for your kids. 😀 Us girls have to look out for each other.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 1, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Thank you hun 🙂 It sounds like you have had a rough time as well. You can stick together with us over here 🙂

      Welcome to the blog!

  • afairytale84
    March 1, 2014 at 2:56 am

    I know you've made some posts about encounters with strange people and strange things happening to you, so I just have to share. I think you'll appreciate this.I was walking my dog this afternoon and I hear a “Hey, hey, you! Neighbor girl!” I turn around and my neighbor has pulled up to the curb in his van. He gets out of the car and rushes over to me. “Do you like bread? You like bread, right?””Uh, sure. I like bread.””Awesome. My wife made bread for a church dinner, but she made way too much. Do you want some?””Well, if you're offering, I don't think I can turn down homemade bread.”So what does Neighbor Guy do? Opens the back door of his van and CLIMBS INTO THE BACK OF THE VAN. Now, Neighbor Guy is about 85 years old, so this isn't exactly an easy task for him to do. I decide to walk over to the back of his car so he can just easily hand me the bread.Except he proceeds to hand me SIX loaves of bread. And they're all just thrown into his van and rolling around the back part of the van. Not in bags or anything, just loaves of bread rolling around.I've got my dog on one leash (never have I been so glad to own a 6lb chihuahua instead of a 60lb something else) and am trying to maneuver myself in such a way that I can carry all six loaves of bread and keep hold of the dog at the same time.I'm about to walk away when I hear, “Uh, neighbor girl, I think I need a little help.”Yeah, he couldn't get out of the back of the van. So I'm the holding six loaves of bread (which turned out to weigh just over EIGHT POUNDS – I checked) and my dog, and now I've got to figure out a way to help this 85-year-old man climb out the back of his car.The bread ended up sitting in a pile of snow while I helped the guy out. Then he said he had more bread inside and asked if I wanted more.”No, thank you, Neighbor Guy, I think six loaves of bread is plenty. Thanks for the offer though!”Hope all is well. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 1, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Hahahahaha!!! My gosh is that funny!! I would have loved to see that happen. Thanks for the great story!

      That reminds me of the time a neighbor, that I didn’t know yet (turned out to be the one who tried to kiss me above), tried to sell me a five gallon bucket of “assorted mixed laundry detergents.” I was in my friends car and he knocked on the window, at 11pm at night in my driveway to ask me

  • Anonymous
    March 1, 2014 at 4:44 am

    Stumbled across your blog …….. Keep your chin up , tell your kids you love them a million times a day , and don't give up hope !!! ( oh yeah , from Chicago ! )

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 1, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Thank you!! Welcome to the blog. Stay warm in Chicago!!

  • Cathrine
    March 1, 2014 at 1:35 pm

    I'm so proud of you for standing up for yourself like that! Way to go! <3

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 1, 2014 at 11:54 am

      woot woot, thank you!!

  • The Loud Introvert
    March 2, 2014 at 1:27 am

    You are one strong woman! I looove your sarcasm! I too am growingy own back bone. One day i woke up and said screw it! Ill be damned if let one of these people cause me to have a stroke or something all because i was stressed out to the max, alwayd holding things in! Fuk that! :-p

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 2, 2014 at 11:54 am

      Ha, love it!! Go you!!!

  • vanessa
    March 2, 2014 at 7:51 am

    Oh, I've got one “up” on you here, I think. I met this guy on a dating website and we talked online for weeks (match.com or pof.com, I can't remember which). He was great! He thought I was wonderful and he wanted to get to know me better. He was a masseuse and was opening his own studio. We started texting and made plans to meet in person (I was in Georgia and he was in Tennessee so it took some time). Well, before we could actually meet I got a text FROM HIS WIFE! Apparently this sludge was a cop AND he forgot to mention that he was married with two kids! I googled him. The wife was very real. Wow. Just wow. I assured her that nothing had happened and that I had no idea he was married and would cut off all contact with him. She was really nice about it so I'm guessing it wasn't his first transgression. But ew. What a jerk!Thankfully, online dating redeemed itself when I met my husband on Eharmony. But I had learned my lesson and met him in person A LOT sooner. It was great to have so much verifiable background information and know that we were on the same page as far as life goals went. Meeting in person confirmed the chemistry and voila! The most amazing person I have ever known is now my husband. But I sure am glad I didn't get involved with that other lady's husband first! Whew! Close call.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 2, 2014 at 11:54 am

      That is crazy. The craziest part, that his wife was able to keep her head on straight enough to be nice to you. That is insane! Good thing that happened before you guys actually met, good grief!

      I’m glad it worked out in the end. Yay for amazing husbands!!

  • flamingo
    March 3, 2014 at 11:11 am

    Hey, Eden! How the hell are you? I am sorry you had a brief moment of sadness after your brother contacted you. When my family separation occurred, I thought it was final at that time since they were so filled with vitriol toward our dad and me. When my dad passed away five years later (no contact at all during and they all live close), guess who called me wanting their share of his life insurance proceeds? I went to that dark place all over again. Guilt, shame, anger, absolute hatred, you name it. So, I took a three week vacation, didn't answer their frantic messages and left them twisting in the wind wondering when I was going to file the insurance paperwork. haha They are vile, disgusting people and I want nothing to do with them ever again. It doesn't hurt at all any more, so in my case, time has healed those wounds. But, Jesus, do our families really think they can say and do hurtful, hateful things to us/about us and someday we are going to be a family again? Such delusional, sick people they all are. Glad we have escaped!Wow. Another married man trolling. I am so glad that I became friends with the private investigator I hired during the last marriage. LOL Sounds as though his services might be very valuable one day. Your 'no balls' response was sheer perfection!Bookcase Lady is a Nutcase. LOLHope this week is a much better week for you and the kids!Much love and many hugs from a (once again) snowy east coast!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 4, 2014 at 11:55 am

      Thats crazy (and unfortunately not too uncommon) about your siblings after your dad’s death. I applaud you for taking a three week break from them!!

      He texted me a few times, but I shut that down REAL fast.



  • Meshelle Ross
    March 3, 2014 at 3:39 pm

    I am just reading this today….WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH MARRIED MEN??? Seems the last few years that I have been single that is all that I catch the attention of. And like you there is not one dang thing I am doing to cause them to even THINK I'm in the market for them! What makes me even angrier is their lack of respect for me (like they would have any for a woman if they are willing to do things like that behind their significant other). I mean REALLY tho….I have feelings, a heart, a mind…so much more to me than SEX! It sickens me in two ways….1 being that that is what they think of me and 2 being…what is it that I may be doing to make them think I'm even interested??? I AM IN NO WAY, NONE, NOTTA!!!Love the conversation you had with the “attorney”….what an idiot!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 4, 2014 at 11:55 am

      There has to be an easier way to date!!! Lol. Ahhhh!!!!!

  • Anonymous
    April 27, 2014 at 9:15 pm

    I feel sometimes relieved that I'm commenting after the storm of your post – because I'll tell you, my life is NOT clean, but I made my choices, and I regret nothing, so commenting in a quiet zone is….comfortable.My two children came from a married man…Yikes. That's all I WANT to say about that.But they are the most beautiful children, everrrrrr!Nobody's perfect.Nathaliexoxoxox

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 27, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Wow, I’d love to hear that story if you ever want to share!

      Yay for beautiful children 🙂

  • Nathalie
    April 28, 2014 at 3:08 am

    Absolutely would love to share!We met…OK…shtop right here missy Nat…I will tell you Eden about it, in an email 🙂 Next time I send you one…Only to say, life is not perfect at all…but it is perfect after all 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 28, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Ha. I’ll be waiting for that email!

  • Anonymous
    May 8, 2014 at 7:40 pm

    “the environment that family provides me with is incompatible with any form of a life that I want”This really hit home with me, but substitute husband for family. I am reading your blog from the beginning. At first I felt bad for you and thought to myself, “WOW my life could be 1000 times worse. My husband doesn't beat or rape me.” But that isn't enough of a reason to live a life I don't want…

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 8, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Be true to yourself hun, you know what you want and what you need, allow yourself the right to feel that 🙂

  • Jamie
    May 10, 2014 at 3:55 am

    Girl, what? Criminal law is a law degree….

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 9, 2014 at 11:56 am

      Its not a degree that would make you a lawyer, it would make you a cop or something. Maybe a detective.

  • Membuat Pupuk Organik dari Kotoran Sapi
    April 18, 2018 at 11:21 am

    what??? for real??


Connect With Me On Facebook!

Facebook Pagelike Widget

Things You May Have Missed: