Things That Just Make You Ask “Why?” Part 3

It’s that time again, time for another edition of “Things that just make you ask, why?” As usual, courtesy of my camera phone.

Why do I live in a place where the roads disappear in the winter?

In the summer, I took this picture of the road right outside of my house
And to be honest, I’m not even sure the road is there anymore.

Why do I live somewhere, where your neighbor’s car disappears by morning?

Why are my neighbors so totally awesome, that even though the association will plow my driveway overnight, they hurry up and shovel so that when I get home from work, I won’t have to get the kids out of my car in the snow?

Standing in my garage, looking at the only shoveled driveway around.

Why can I not figure out how this happened? It is a one way road, with a large median dividing the traffic on the other side. How did the mail truck turn almost backwards and drive up a hill?

Why drive a whole car when half a car works just fine?

Why don’t you want us touching the TV? Because it might disintegrate due to old age?
This is the doctor’s office you get to go to when you have no health insurance.

Why spend the money on chair rail when economy baseboard can be stapled to the wall for the same effect?

Why wouldn’t these pants be in the clearance section? Like anyone would pay full price for pants that clearly got caught in the sewing machine and were then patched together with every available piece of scrap cloth.

Why not throw a mustache party? It goes right along with all the other crazy theme parties I have had. A couple months ago I had a chair party. You want to come? Great, bring a drink, an appetizer, and be prepared to put together an Ikea chair. By the end of the night I had a lot of laughs, a lot of drinks, and a lot of really wobbly chairs. Next time I will make sure the chairs are taken care of before the drinks are served….

Why leave the theme’s at home? If you are at the store with a friend, and you are bored, try on a hat or two, at the same time. If your friend suggests a boa, sure, go find one. She wants you to hold flowers? Sure why not. She hands you an over sized drink cup? Why the hell not? Sure, I’ll shop like this. I’ve always wanted to be on the “people of Walmart” website.

Oh my gosh, why!? Just….WHY!?

Chicken feet anyone?
Why did I karate chop someone in the throat? “Get moon dough!” they said. “It will be fun!” they said. “It will entertain the kids!” they said. Funny, I don’t remember anyone saying anything about how freaking long it would take to clean up.

Why not splurge and spend a dollar on an entire display of four month old popcorn balls, conveniently located directly next to a box 1/10 its size that said “donate snacks to our troops?” I walked up to the register, handed the guy a dollar, told him to keep the change, picked up the three foot tall display of popcorn balls, and set the entire thing on top of the shoe box sized troop donation box. Not even a smile. Not even a tiny smile came out of that cashier. Poor guy. Tragically, another one born without a personality.

Why do gluten free menu’s never have prices? This isn’t even funny, it just annoys me. I have yet to see a gluten free menu at any restaurant that has prices on it. Do they think we are all rich people on fad diets?
I ordered a side salad, because I am poor, and even for a side salad, it was really tiny. Because my friends are as awesome and funny as I am, when the waitress came back, she asked her for some extra dressing for me. Then when the waitress came back again, and she told her that she had over served me dressing and that I was going to need some extra lettuce. The waitress looked confused as hell, but when she came back, my friend told her that because of the extra lettuce, we were going to need a bigger bowl.

Oddly enough this same restaurant contains all my favorite restaurant stories, except for the time I was at a chili’s and a rather large model airplane fell from the ceiling and landed on our table, flipping both my and my friends plates over. The manager walked over and very casually picked up the airplane and walked away, leaving both my friend and I sitting there with our mouths hanging open.

But this restaurant, a couple years ago gave me a to-go order salad that was literally only lettuce. Not a single thing was in the box except lettuce. Not even dressing. When I got home I realized the error and I called and the manager. He said he would send me compensation in the mail. Ok no problem. In the mail comes two coupons for free blooming onion appetizers. So wait…you are comping me for something I paid for and didn’t get, with something that I didn’t order in the first place? So I go in to the restaurant, I order dessert, and when the bill comes I pay with the blooming onion coupon. The manager comes out and I say to him “Oh I’m sorry, isn’t that how it works around here? You order whatever you want, and then you can pay with whatever you feel like best suits the situation?”

Also at this same restaurant, I was having dessert with a girlfriend one night, the waiter sets my plate down, and it has two spoons on it. After the waiter walked away, I said to my friend “Ah, I hate it when they put two spoons on the plate, because then if you eat the entire thing yourself you feel kind of guilty like you were supposed to share because it is way to much for one person, and I’m totally eating this entire thing myself.” From behind me slips the waiters arm and he slides one of the spoons off my plate while saying “I’m so sorry miss, I accidentally dropped an extra spoon on this plate containing a dessert that is clearly only enough for one person to eat. My mistake.” LOVE IT.

Why am I smiling? Because you guys ROCK!!! Your donations not only covered my mortgage this month , but they covered a good chunk of it for next month as well, which is great because it is due in two weeks. Thanks to the state being so backed up, my food stamps got canceled because they haven’t gotten around to processing my renewal paperwork yet, so with that added expense, I wasn’t going to make it next month either. You guys are SUPER AWESOME!! I still can’t believe anyone would do that for me, especially people that don’t “really” know me (although you guys probably know me a lot better than anyone that has physically met me). Oh my gosh, I can breathe for the first time in quite a while. I don’t even know what to say you guys, thank you, thank you, thank you so much!!!!

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  • Amanda Harris
    February 14, 2014 at 4:18 pm

    I've never known what it's like to be poor, but I have had a fair amount of struggles. Your stories about going hungry remind me of my dealings with Anorexia, and more importantly, how it feels to walk around on an empty stomach.I'm thrilled to hear you aren't losing your home; I hope the donations cover food too.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Thank you hun, me too

  • jcarson84
    February 14, 2014 at 4:34 pm

    Ugh. We got slammed with almost 18 inches of snow between Wednesday night and Thursday night. This is, of course, on top of the nearly 8 inches we already had on the ground. Took me 2 hours to dig my car out and then, of course, snow plow came by and plowed me back in. Fabulous.I'd love to know how that mail truck ended up there. I just…how?I want to throw a party now because you made your payment. Crazy hats, over sized cups, and boas more than welcome!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      I hate snow. I seriously live in the wrong state. If someone wants to adopt me out, I am up for adoption!!!

      Mail truck, seriously, HOW!! I actually passed it, turned around, and drove by again just to get that picture.

      Party time!!!

  • Koro
    February 15, 2014 at 4:32 am

    Mustache party. Niiiice. I'm glad the donations were enough to help you.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Lol, it was so much fun. We laughed so hard I swear I woke up with sore abs.

  • vanessa
    February 15, 2014 at 7:05 am

    Woooo hoooo! Score for humanity! <3

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm


  • Anonymous
    February 15, 2014 at 3:51 pm

    You have pretty teeth. What is your secret to keeping them white?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Thanks! Crest white strips 🙂 They always have coupons and rebates that make them pretty cheap

  • Lotus
    February 15, 2014 at 7:10 pm

    Beautiful smile and all, but that mustache- THAT is a hot look! 🙂 I'm so glad you have the money for your mortgage! YAYYYYYY!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Lol, so I pulled off the mustache look?

      Yaaayyyyy for a paid mortgage!!!

  • Lotus
    February 15, 2014 at 11:30 pm

    All I'm saying is if you start getting a mustache naturally someday, I'd forego the whole waxing ordeal and grow that luxurious sucker out! 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 15, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      Girl, psh, who said that wasn’t my real mustache?? Maybe I just didn’t shave for weeks in preperation for this party! 😉

  • Lotus
    February 16, 2014 at 2:07 pm

    *gasps* mustache envy!

  • flamingo
    February 17, 2014 at 2:57 am

    Ugh……you young ladies just wait – a real mustache lurks in your future. Just bought my very own waxing set-up, strips, sticks and all. Got tired of layering/caking on the makeup to hide my growth as I slink into the salon. Can't wait to inflict the pain on myself. hahahaNever heard of moon dough before. Thanx for the tip. So not happening for my granddaughter. Who am I kidding? Of course she will ask for it, of course I will buy it and of course I will bitch about the mess to all of you. I love your random observations. The lofted ages-old televisions never make any sense to me either. And what is with the damn sign telling us not to touch it? Who wants to find a ladder to touch those dusty old things with three fuzzy channels anyway?Confession time: I paid way too much for similar jeans without the colored patches filling in the tears. I think I was ripped off. haha A few years ago. I wore them to a party at my daughter's home and she told me that just maybe the jeans were a bit 'young' for me. I got it. I wear those damn jeans any day I need to give my butt (and ego) a boost. LOLGood to hear you have a small start toward next month. Hopefully, we can help you stay ahead. Keep reminding us and new viewers. We care about you and your children. Staying in your home (with a shoveled driveway – I am soooo envious and not surprised re: your caring neighbors) is important for your success! We will be able to say we knew you when……Much love and many hugs from the east coast

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 17, 2014 at 12:32 pm

      That is sooooo funny!! Let us know how the waxing goes! Tell me all the things I should NOT try when I get older, save me the trouble!

      Moon dough is like super crumbly play-doh. We got it because it is not made with flour like play-doh is, so its gluten free. Still not worth the mess.

      I kid you not, while I was there some guy got on a chair and cleaned the screen, and the rag turned BLACK. Then he was telling the front desk lady that he couldn’t remember the last time he did it. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it was when he purchased it. Yuck. It was so old it was playing only in shades or orange and green.

      The jeans story, HILARIOUS.

      Thank you hun 🙂

      Keep sharing the page everyone!!


  • Jennifer Holter
    February 17, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    So about those chicken feet. Yeah. They are scary! I was at work with a cold a while back. One of the lovely hispanic ladies that worked for me had made some chicken soup and since I was sick she wanted to share. I don't speak spanish and she is such a nice lady. So she heated up a great big bowl for me and put it on my my desk. I set it to the side to let it cool for a few mintues while I was finishing up something. It smelled sooooo good. So when I was done I pulled the bowl close to me, picked up the spoon and to stirring and blowing on it. All of a sudden a foot popped to the top of the bowl. I came out of my chair! Literally OUT of my chair! I almost fell over trying to get away for the foot soup. All the while I am trying to make sure I am really quiet because the lady who gave it to me is sitting a few feet away but she can't see me. I had to leave it on my desk until she had left the office so I wouldn't hurt her feelings but I swear that foot was waiving at me. After she left, I had to get someone else come remove it. I was so freaked out by the foot soup! That lovely lady does not work here anymore but the other ladies in the office still remember how I freaked out and LOVE to make fun of me about the foot soup.

  • flamingo
    February 17, 2014 at 3:52 pm

    Jennifer, you have me literally laughing out loud. I can picture the chair almost tipping over as you quickly and quietly jumped out of it! Thank you for that on a Monday morning!

  • Jennifer Holter
    February 17, 2014 at 4:41 pm

    That's just my style! I like to keep things interesting. And it seems like those around me like to keep me on my toes. Always willing to help out on a Monday morning!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 17, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Oh my gosh no way!!! Luckily you saw the foot before you took a bite. Oh no no no, I just could not do that. I would have been the girl who vomited on her desk.

  • Jennifer Holter
    February 18, 2014 at 12:59 am

    The foot scared the ever lovin' shit out of me! Totally didn't see it coming! I almost had a heart attack! And I REALLY didn't want to hurt this lady's feelings. She was trying to take care of me and I didn't want to disrespect her. When she was done with her lunch, she headed out of the office. But before leaving she stuck her head in my office to see if I liked it. Of course, I lied my ass off in the best broken Spanish I could produce while doing everything I could to hide the full bowl without touching it. I always ask/check to see what everyone brings me to eat now. Especially if they aren't from the same white bread and fried chicken part of Texas that I am from. I still get teased about it. Sometime remind me to tell you about the entire cow head I encountered in a cart at the grocery store in South Austin. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 18, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Haha!! Reminds me of the time I was invited to make sausage with a friends family. After we spent all afternoon stuffing pig instestines full of meat, I was “way to exhausted to eat anything.”

      Oh, please tell the cow head story

  • hersheygirl
    February 18, 2014 at 4:33 am

    As a mail carrier, I can tell you the 'why' of that truck, lol. LLV's (long life vehicles, which are what they are called) SUCK in the snow. Like, big time. Excellent choice for states that have six months of winter, right? They are rear-wheel drive, and then there's no weight over those axles, and the axles are different widths (to make tight mid-street U-turns easier) but that means you don't even follow your own tracks in snow. So, yeah, I totally believe that picture. Ugh, I need a new job…..Glad to hear you will make your rent this month! Most people are awesome if you let them be, I've found. Still, seems there's always too much month at the end of the money.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 18, 2014 at 12:31 pm

      Wow, that’s interesting! I never knew that about the wheels and u-turns and stuff. Thanks for sharing!!

      P.S., thats crazy

  • Rachel E
    February 19, 2014 at 6:01 am

    That picture with the Car Wash sign looks so so much like a town near my hometown! I just found your blog through xojane. My daughter is 10 months old, and looking at the picture of you as a sad eyed little baby broke my heart. Hugs from Williston, ND. (not my hometown :))

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 19, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Welcome to the blog!! Give your baby a big hug for me 🙂

  • Jennifer Holter
    February 19, 2014 at 4:26 pm

    Ok here goes. But let me just warn you, it sounds much much better telling it in person.I was with my boyfriend at the time. We were shopping for stuff to BBQ for dinner. The store was super crowded. Crazy crowded. I was bumping into people and carts all over the place. And most of the people were speaking spanish. (Again with the spanish speakers. It never occured to me before but I must have some thing for food and hispanic people.) So I being as polite as possible and apologizing constantly for running into people when someone backed into me and knocked me INTO the cart parked behind me. At least the top half of me. I am apologizing like crazy to the lady whose cart I just fell into. I put my hand down inside the cart to catch my fall. It clearly landed on a huge peice of meat. I could feel it. I was trying to get myself back up right when I looked down and saw these eyes looking back at me from the cart. I started screaming Holy Shit! Holy Shit! In the cart was an entire cow head. I mean eyes, tongue sticking out, teeth…the works. It didn't have any skin on it which made it even more nasty. So, of course, now everyone in the store is looking at me as I am screaming trying to get away from this head. Even with the store as busy as it was, aside from my screaming, there was almost no other sounds. All chatting had stopped to watch the crazy chick freak out. (Boyfriend, who never became husband I might add, is doing nothing but laughing hysterically. Thanks alot, stupid jerk!) I managed to get myself out of the cart and out of the store. Pronto! (Hahaha! A little spanish humor there!)What the hell were these people going to do with a damn cow head??? That was the most horrifying, nasty and emotionally disturbing food experience. Heads are not meant to be eaten!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      February 19, 2014 at 12:33 pm

      Oh I assure you, it was just as funny via print lol!! That is HYSTERICAL. Seriously, what do you do with an entire head!!!????

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