So Maybe I Should Have Added A Few More Details…
Before I even tackle that though, I’d like to welcome all the new readers that followed me over here from my recent article on Skepchick. I’m glad that you are here!!
Alright, lets go back to the posting “I didn’t win the battle.” I can see from the comments that a lot of you didn’t agree with my choice to leave my cleaning job and work on the not-for-profit. Initially I was replying to the comments but when people started throwing rocks at each other I decided to step out. I have enough drama in my life, I don’t really want to get in an Internet war with people. With that being said, I do appreciate the constructive criticisms that you guys brought up and I am taking them all into consideration.
I do however want to go back and touch on a few things that I probably should have included in the original posting. What you guys need to understand is that you are reading an extremely condensed version of my life that I have consolidated down into a five minute read that you can tackle while on the train or sitting in a school pick-up line. You can’t see the back story, you don’t get to view the details, you only get the surface story. I know that a lot of you are invested in my life and I walk a fine line between trying not to bore you to death with the details and yet keep you updated.
So now I will go back and bore you with some of the details.
Before I scaled down my cleaning clients, I was still not making enough to cover my monthly expenses. I am not abandoning a dependable job to chase a dream. I was falling $500 short every month and now I’m falling $750 short. Yes, I’m coming up shorter than I was before, but the difference is not massive.
My kids have one mother, no father, and no grandparents. I intend to be around for them for a really long time and am unwilling to risk the longevity of my life to do it by working my body raw and immersing myself in chemicals hour upon hour, day after day, for a job that is not even allowing me to cover my family’s expenses.
As much as I have tried to evade the truth, the truth is that without an education there is a good chance that I will never get a job that can adequately provide for us. With that being said, I cannot get an education while making enough money for us to live on.
This was not a rash decision. This choice was made after months and months of meetings with the deacons at my church, my financial planner, my mentor, and my friends parents. This decision was made after meeting with many, many, not-for-profit founders to get a realistic idea of what I was getting myself into and confirming that the service I intend to offer is not only needed, but that other nonprofits would like to work hand-in-hand with us. This decision was made after a solid plan for the not-for-profit was formed. This plan was made after I had a tax attorney incorporate the not-for-profit, file the 501c3 paperwork, and the bylaws. This plan was made after I established a solid not-for-profit board consisting of Mr. Attorney Man, a doctor, and a financial director. I am not blindly jumping into a business that I have no idea how to run. Sure, even the most well laid plans have hiccups, that is to be expected, but I am not living in lala land. Will the funding come in, I can’t say for sure, but I am optimistic based on past conversations with donors. (I also cannot stress enough that the not-for-profit is not to solely benefit me, I’m willing to be poor as long as my kids needs are met if I can also help women at the same time)
I know you guys don’t know me in real life, but I don’t make rash decisions. Everything I do is very calculated. This is my absolute best chance, I am sure of it. If I can’t pull in enough funding before I am forced to move out of my home, then I will be moving into transitional living with the kids and renting out my house. It would be near impossible to sell my house in this market without coming to the closing with a large amount of cash. Because my mortgage payment is so ridiculously low due to my crisis modification, I’d be able to rent it with enough of a profit to put my belongings in storage and start building a savings account. I would most likely be unable to rent a place myself since I would have no job to put down on an application and with no family to take us in, my only real option is a transitional living facility. Cohabiting with another family or a renter is not an option for me because of some ongoing stalking issues with my ex.
I’ve already made my back up plan. I made sure to get approved for transitional housing and for educational scholarships before I let my cleaning clients go.
I took particular offense to the commenter that said she would not support a nonprofit where the president was living in transitional housing because it showed a lack of organization and care of my finances. Does that mean that everyone who loses their home is a disorganized financial mess? I am doing the very best that I can with the very little that I have been given. I have absolutely no debt with the exception of my mortgage, a mortgage that I fought the bank for, and won. No amount of financial organization is going to make money appear that isn’t there. The fact that I choose to set basic needs aside instead of living off of credit cards is proof that I am not a financial disaster and I have a very realistic view of money. The fact that I am able to realize when my financial life is about to drown me and am willing to leave behind a home that I love very much in order to secure a better future for myself is also proof of that. Not to mention that its the treasurers job to handle the money, not mine.
This is not what I want. Moving out of my home, uprooting my children’s lives, leaving the one place where we all truly feel happy, this is not what I want, but I’ve been fighting the inevitable for nearly two years now on an ever sinking life raft. Without an education I will most likely never be able to provide our family with a stable future, but before I abandon all I’m willing to risk it with the not-for-profit.
If that doesn’t work out, I’m really no worse off than I am now.
Where am I now? I am falling $750 a month short of making our monthly bills. For all the people that said “Just get a solid 40 hour a week $10 an hour job,” that’s easier said than done. Where are those jobs? If they were so easy to come by, don’t you think that all single moms would be a lot better off? Don’t you think the economy would be in better shape with significantly less unemployed people? Also, most minimum wage jobs have weekend and evening hours outside of normal daycare hours. When you have a job like that, all of your profits are eaten up by babysitting costs. If you are lucky enough to find a 40 hour a week job, they don’t look kindly on the fact that I have two small children and no family to watch them on the multiple sick days that my kids will inevitably have. Single moms all over the country lose their jobs for that exact reason all the time.
I refuse to be the ever struggling single mom who works low paying jobs while never really getting ahead for the rest of my life. If you are looking for that mom, you are on the wrong blog. I want better for my family. I deserve better and so do my kids, and if things need to get worse for a few years before they get better, then so be it.
I will come out of this. I’m not throwing in the towel on “real work” and chasing a dream. I’m throwing in the towel on a dead end life and I’m chasing a future, maybe not in the way that most would have done it, but in my way. My way has taken me a lot farther than where I should be. I shouldn’t be anywhere near where or what I am today. The only things I have ever had to rely on in my entire life, the ONLY things, have been my perseverance, my faith, and my unbreakable spirit. I may not have much, but I have that going for me.
In the meantime, I would like to ask all of you a favor. I know that a lot of you have stepped up and donated, giving my soul a great big hug by showing me that people do care. I know from the comments and the emails that a lot of you want me to reach out to my readers and tell them I need help. Well, guess what, I need help. I’m not here to ask you for money though. I don’t want to live off of the work of others; I want to live off of my own work, my own hard earned paycheck.
Writing comes so easily to me and is the one way I can supplement my income without over burdening my life beyond being reasonable. You may not know anyone, but someone, somewhere does. Please share my blog and help spread my name. Hopefully someone, somewhere, notices me.
I know that a lot of you read this blog via email from your phone, so you might have to get onto an actual computer! You are smart people, give me a little exposure. Share the blog and title it with something eye catching like “Struggling single mom needs freelance job,” or “check out this totally crazy chick and spread the word, she needs a writing job!!” and then attach my email. Please dear readers, I try and make a point (with the exception of the argumentitive thread from the i didnt win the battle blog) to respond back to each and every comment, and every single email you guys send me, because I know what its like to not feel important. You guys are all important to me! Please make me a little bit important today and do this for me (and not just assume everyone else will)?
If you happen to know anyone who works in the writing world, you can email me at firstname.lastname@example.org