The Exorcism Is Near
Seriously though, did I call it, or did I call it when I said that my only hope was now that the female nutcase neighbor was pregnant that maybe they would move? Hell yes, thank you very much. I’ve written about them so much I don’t even know what link to include here, so if you are new scroll to the bottom of the blog and click on the tab that says “neighbors” if you want to get caught up.
The closest that I’ve ever been to even getting drunk was one particular night last summer when we jumped the gun and started partying on a Thursday night. We were all sitting outside and at one point I remember looking at Mrs. Nutcase Neighbor and realizing she looked a little blurry to me. At almost that exact moment she tried to hand me another shot to which I replied “No thanks Hun, you are starting to look a little funny,” to which she replied “Hey! Don’t judge me and I won’t judge you!”
|This is my house, I was at their house next door, but do you see that dangerous bug bungee jumping platform that they call a “balcony” protruding over my driveway? Yea, theirs is the same way. My mistake for sitting under it after dark.|
Both of our eyes zero in on my now nearly bare chest as we see the earwig, STILL THERE, fall into my bra. NO FUCKING WAY. Now I leap from my chair, still screaming, and turn around to run into my house so that I can strip down and annihilate this little fucker. Now let’s not forget that Mrs. Nutcase Neighbor is quite trashed at this point, so as I am running, she is trying to unclasp my bra and I’m yelling “wait! Not yet!” As soon as I turn the door handle to my house I feel it unclasp. The two of us lunge inside where I begin tearing off my clothes like they are on fire while the two of us are screaming “WHERE IS IT!! OHMYGOSH WHERE IS IT!!” We spot it now on the floor, obliterate it, and then collapse onto my couch to catch our breath from that near death experience.
So the two of us are throwing rocks at single guy’s window and Mrs. Nutcase Neighbor is yelling at the top of her lungs, “Come down! We neeeeeeed you!! Come out and play with us!!!”