Please Excuse This Brief Interruption

Hi guys!!

This weekend I promised myself that I was just going to relax and be present with my family. No working, no blogging, no running errands, just being still in the moment and enjoying the life around me. I need this sometimes, as everyone does. It’s really easy to get so wrapped up in work and your “priorities,” that you forget who and what your priorities really are.

A few months ago when I wrote the post “my life is completely unrealistic” I had hit that point where I was working so much, so hard, and so fast, that I had completely lost myself into the abyss that I call work.

It wasn’t until I really hit that wall of “I can’t do this anymore because my life is falling apart” did I realize that while work is important, my legacy is everything that I don’t get paid for. Being present for my children, being there for my friends, and making myself a priority so that I am able to be who the world needs me to be, those are my priorities.

So the weekends, they are now off limits for work.

It really has not been easy. I see my computer and my to do list and I’ll admit, sometimes I simply cannot stop thinking about everything that I need to get done. I feel bad that I might let someone down because I’m not getting something done that I need to do for work. I see the kids playing right in front of me, but my mind is on everything else that I feel I should be doing instead.

I find that I tend to bargain with myself; “If I just do this one quick thing, then at least I’ll have gotten something done and I won’t feel quite as guilty about not doing anything productive today, especially when I have SO much to do!”

Nope, I’m not giving in.

I’m not giving in because I’ve lost the perspective on what my real priorities are. I’ve made work and the people that I work with a priority over the people that love me. As guilty as I feel for possibly letting down anyone that I work with, the fact that I feel guiltier about letting them down than I do when I let my own children down in order to appease others, just goes to prove how very much I need to change my viewpoint on priorities.

Just because my friends, my kids, and I myself do not have a visible deadline, does not mean that I can neglect making them a priority; because in reality, everything does have an expiration date and things left untended will wither and die.

Neglecting to tend to relationships, my children, and myself will only lead to undesirable outcomes.

Friends drift away feeling as neglected as they are, children grow up in ways that I don’t want them to, and I find myself entwined in a level of anxiety that isn’t good for me or my work.

It really hasn’t been easy to make the weekends off limits for work, but I’m going to keep doing it until it is.

I’ve said it before, a habit is a choice that is made so often that it becomes nearly impossible to choose otherwise.

I intend to force myself to restrain from weekend work until I am able to make it a habit.

I’ve got kids that are growing up faster than I’d like them too and if I want to have any input as to how they are being raised, I can’t rely on daycare and a television to raise them for me.

So this week in particular got away from me with everything that I was trying to cram in that I wouldn’t be able to do this weekend and I didn’t have time to write a real post.

But what did happen was that I got to watch a little girl play with her new doll.

 I gave a dollhouse a much needed cleaning so that it would be ready to be played with tomorrow.

I introduced a little boy to the awesome creation that is s’mores,

and I took the kids to a movie in the park (even if one of them slept through it).

I also took a little time to enjoy my new room!

If my friends ask where all the drinks went that they left in my fridge…no one saw this picture….mmkay?

So with that being said, today’s post will be taking place over at Lifetime Mom’s. (Just click on the link)

If you will excuse me now, I have a very cute boy waiting on my couch and a movie that needs to be watched.

I challenge you this weekend to look around at your life. Look around and really see who and what is most important to you, and then make sure that you are tending to it in a way that is conducive to thriving.

Don’t spend so much time tending to such fleeting things that you neglect your most important priorities to the point that they wither and die.

In order to really thrive, a garden needs the attention of it’s gardener.

Make sure that the things that you are giving the most attention to, are the flowers that you want to see bloom the most.

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  • Anonymous
    July 13, 2014 at 4:17 am

    I love everything you write. I agree with keeping your priorities straight. It can be hard to turn yourself off when you have a to do list a mile long and instead focus on the important things. Also, I am really happy that you are still seeing piano guy, lol.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 13, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      Thank you 🙂

      I hope that you are enjoying your weekend!

      And Piano Man, yes!!

  • Mzfuzz
    July 13, 2014 at 2:09 pm

    Frickin'frackin'—Agh. Blogger ate my comment. I'll try to recreate.Love this post, Eden. I'm going to try to make my mom read it-she tries to go in a million different directions, and accomplishes none of them well. It can be so hard to keep life and work from taking over what you love. I try to keep in mind that work should be what I do to pay for my hobbies/the things I love; my hobbies shouldn't be what I do when I have time leftover from working. I hope you'll find that once you practice a little bit, the obvious rewards will outweigh your sense of obligation to work. (Especially when you notice that no one else notices that you're not “living up” to your end of the imaginary bargain you've made with them in your own head-sounds crazy, but think about it!)Also, SUPER awesome that Piano Man is at your house!!!! (The lech in me wants to know if he spent the night….*evil grin*)Finally, in closing, I am coming to live with you to enjoy the Mikes, chocolate chip cookies, and S'mores. I'm sure you won't mind sharing. 😀

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      You do not seem to have good luck with blogger eating your comments!! I’ve found that before I hit “post” I highlight and copy the comment in case blogger eats it 🙂

      I hope your mom reads it! Great perspective on how work pays for hobbies and hobbies shouldn’t come in last in the schedule of your life 🙂

      I’m hoping that time will lessen the guilt, because it sure is hard!

      He did not spend the night per say….but was here until the sun nearly came up 😉

      Yes, please come and bring me a refil on the Mike’s, my stock is nearly out!

  • NotMyShametoBear
    July 13, 2014 at 3:27 pm

    Yes, I am commenting on my own blog lol.

    Biggest pet peeve: Seeing an obvious typo when I read the emailed version and knowing that I can’t change the version everyone is reading via their emails.

    Happens to me all the time and drives me crazy lol!



  • Anonymous
    July 13, 2014 at 8:22 pm

    I loved this post!! Absolutely Eden, take time off on the weekend to spend with your family and friends. Family is ultimately what matters, like you said it's your legacy. Some parents always put off spending time with their children and then are surprised that they turn out badly when they are teens. You are an awesome mommy! If at any time blogging starts negatively impacting your life, it is best to cut back and spend that time with the people you love and doing things you love. <3

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:27 pm

      That is exactly what I am afraid of; waking up one day to the reality that my kids are grown, I don’t like how they turned out, and they are to old to redirect now.

      Parenting is scary work!!

      Thank you for understanding 🙂

  • afairytale84
    July 13, 2014 at 8:58 pm

    It is so, so hard to put certain things aside so you can focus on the more important things. Good for you for doing that.Your daughter looks so excited with that doll. That's awesome. How did she react when you gave it to her?I have to ask – is that a Playmobil dollhouse? It looks kind of like a Playmobil house I had as a kid. I freaking LOVED my Ploymobil sets. I'm actually pretty sure my mother still has some in her basement (no I'm not stealing from your story!) somewhere.Also, now I really want a s'more. 😀

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      She said “you are the best mommy ever!!” which made my heart leap through the moon. 😀 Kids are tricky. Sometimes you buy them something that you are SOOOO excited to give them and they just sort of shrug it off with a reaction that you really weren’t expecting.

      This was everything I had dreamed of and more 🙂

      She even set “Molly’s” bed up next to her’s. <3

      Yes, the playmobile house!! It was BITCH to move in the car. Plastic flowers and pieces were everywhere!!! You need to go and retrieve yours lol!!


  • Anonymous
    July 13, 2014 at 11:39 pm

    Oh my gosh eden, geez are you talented. I love your writing !! You always manage to say exactly what I need to hear and it hits me like a weight in the chest. I wish I had your insights, I would probably be a lot farther in life!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Haha, aw thanks 🙂 Everyone has insights in different area’s. You guys are awesome at pointing out all the obvious stuff that fly’s right over my head!!

      Thank you!!


  • Cat Tackett
    July 14, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    I absolutely love this post (and all your posts really). You seem to have a talent to say the things that I really need to hear. I've been working 2 jobs and roughly 65-70 hrs a week on top of looking for a new job out of state and apartment hunting. My boyfriend recently had to remind me that I've been working so hard, I've been taking my relationship with him for granted (long distance is hard). Even though I'm working so hard so I can move and live in the same state as him, I need to focus on him too and what's most important to me and not let him feel neglected. I actually shared this post with him. Thank you again for always saying what I need to hear or be reminded of.I absolutely love your writing and your blog!! And I think you are a fantastic mother to your kids. I love that your little girl now has an American Girl doll. I remember how much I loved my doll. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Aw, well don’t you know how to make a girl feel special <3

      Thank you!

      She loves her doll and even though I really was not happy with how everything went down, I am thrilled that she will get the experience of bonding with her own American Girl doll, the same one that holds so many memories for me 🙂

      I know you will figure things out, manage your schedule. It's tough, isn't it? Your boyfriend is lucky that not only are you working so hard to get to move by him, but that you take the time to realize that you need to make him feel important 🙂

      Lucky guy, that guy is 🙂

      Good to hear from you hun!!


  • Anonymous
    July 14, 2014 at 3:32 pm

    Ugh, this is so hard and causes me so much guilt. As a single mom with two jobs I ALWAYS feel guilty for not getting to be with my daughter as much as I want and when I am, having to try so hard to stay present and attentive when so many responsibilities clamor for my attention or when I am just simply exhausted. Something always seems to have to fall through the cracks. This weekend, I was determined to have good quality time with my daughter so it was my second job and laundry that fell through the cracks. So of course this morning I have fears that those clients will fire me for being too slow or not good enough and was digging through laundry baskets to find something clean and non-wrinkled for my daughter to wear to daycare today. As someone who likes to have everything under control always, especially in my home and career, this is very uncomfortable. But I've learned I have to live this way if I don't want my daughter and our relationship to turn into something I don't want. She's growing up too fast and sometimes I feel like we are too far apart already.

  • Anonymous
    July 14, 2014 at 10:11 pm

    I have a suggestion that you spend the time you usually spend on the computer with your daughter instead.

  • Anonymous
    July 14, 2014 at 10:17 pm

    I see that you had an American Girl doll and a huge dollhouse as a child. How can you say that your parents didn't love you? You seem a bit ungrateful. Many girls have dirt or nothing. That doll and dollhouse rightfully belonged to your parents since they bought them. And you felt like they were “yours” and deserved to have them? Nothing you've written about your parents sounds that bad, and it's terrible that you feel comfortable trashing them. You are a bad daughter.

  • afairytale84
    July 14, 2014 at 11:55 pm

    Believe it or not parents who buy their children nice things can be abusive too. I had nice toys as a kid. Yes even an American Girl doll. I was also told I was ugly and worthless from the time I was 5 years old. My parents called me stupid constantly. They always made sure I knew, reminded me every single day, that my health problems (but not my brother's, which were more severe than mine) were the reason we were struggling financially. My father told me at least every other week that he wished I'd died during one of my operations.But they also bought me toys. So I guess a few nice toy mean I was never abused.You are disgusting.

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 15, 2014 at 2:39 am

    How do you know that her daughter wasn't at school and she typed this response during her 15 minutes break at work on her phone? Some smart asses just think they know everything about everyone's live! Making assumptions just makes you look like an assailed!

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 15, 2014 at 2:40 am

    Assailed – ASSHOLE! Stupid phone!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      I have that fear everyday, that I am SO busy with the things that NEED to get done that I’m neglecting the one true important thing in life, my kids.

      Just know that your daughter will see how hard you work to provide for her. She may not understand it now, but she will when she gets older. I think the most important part is to keep the lines of communication open. Make sure that she knows that you are doing this for her and that she understands how special she is to you.

      Even just a few minutes of snuggle time at the end of the night, even when the last thing you want to do is to spend one more minute dealing with anyone else, will make a world of difference to her.

      Also, just know that because you are even worried about it means you love her an awesome amount. Too many parents just don’t even care and those are the kids that we should worry about.

      Your daughter is lucky to have you!!

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 15, 2014 at 2:47 am

    Again! Why would anyone start making assumptions on other people lives? Eden is providing us a window into her life. Of course we aren't getting the full picture. We would have had to live with her since birth. And even the we wouldnt be getting HER picture. I bought my daughter lots of American Girl doll stuff. Used! On eBay! Cuz I cant afford to get her new stuff. How do you even know her parents gave her that stuff? Maybe it was a grandma who pasted away. She never said exactly WHO bought it. Quite making an ass out of yourself!

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 15, 2014 at 2:50 am

    Not even gonna try to correct all the typos! But you get the idea. Dang phone auto correct!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 14, 2014 at 3:28 pm

      Yep, my parents bought me a doll, what a lucky girl I am!! The dollhouse wasn’t actually from them though. Oh and in the state I live in, a gift is legally the possession of the one who receives it, with the exception of an engagment ring if you don’t get married because the ring is technically an acceptance of a contract and if you don’t get married you break the contract and blah, blah, blah but yea….so, I guess you’re right, what an awful daughter am I! I got a doll! Luckiest kid in the world!!! Wanna trade lives??

  • Anonymous
    July 15, 2014 at 7:45 am

    afairytale84, I am so sorry for what happened to you. Having operations itself is bad enough, without being shamed for them afterwards. If you don't mind my asking, what health problems did you have? I hope you are better now and feel better now too. (hugs)

  • afairytale84
    July 15, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    It's a pretty rare condition so I don't want to get into too many specifics here, just to keep my anonymity.But basically my arteries are too narrow. I've had several bypasses of different arteries. I had an organ removed as a baby. The genetic condition I have also makes it hard for some of the people with it to be able to read other people. I was in therapy as a very young child because I couldn't tell when people were mad, sad, happy, etc. I had to be taught how to read people's emotions. Not quite autism, but probably pretty close. I'm very socially awkward and find it extremely difficult to interact with other people. I have no idea what to say most times and cannot really start a conversation with someone – I have to wait for someone to start a conversation with me. It's something I've been working on with a therapist this past year and am getting better at it, but still struggle.

  • Anonymous
    July 16, 2014 at 12:38 am

    I realize this is probably totally off the point of this whole entire post, but when I look at that photo of you in your bedroom I think your closets just scream to be painted white (not solid slap the paint on necessarily but maybe even that antiquey-finish whitewash wood panel look) to match everything else! (They sort of stick out like a sore thumb now, compared to the theme of the rest of your room.) Just a thought!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 15, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Haha, no I totally agree!! I was totally going to paint them but then I realized with the baseboards, the bathroom door, the bedroom door, and the window sill being oak it would look goofy. 🙁

      Still thinking of what I can do about that…..

  • Anonymous
    July 16, 2014 at 6:45 am

    Contact paper, maybe? (No, just kidding. Well, sorta.)Maybe you should do the inside of ALL the doors and windowsills in your room (you could do a whitewash effect… it would even actually wash off if you wanted, if you picked the right paint.)

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 17, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      Don’t give me any more ideas Im crazy and will decide TO DO THEM ALL AT ONCE!!!!

      Although it’s not a bad idea…..


  • Leslie _The_Geek
    July 28, 2014 at 8:07 pm

    Is that a Molly doll!? IS THAT MOLLY!? I wanted an American Doll so bad!!! And always Molly. If I have kids they will have an American Girl Doll. And I will have tea parties with it when they are at school. Because I am weird.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 29, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      It IS Molly!!!! I will have tea parties with you!!!

  • Anonymous
    August 13, 2014 at 6:05 pm

    I love this & hope your daughter enjoys your doll!! I remember when my parents bought me my Samantha American Doll & I knew it was a special & expensive gift. I would save up any money I got so I could order other outfits & accessories & had numerous hours of play with her. As an adult I still have her in the original box & all her stuff in plastic containers for a future child as well 🙂

  • Anonymous
    November 9, 2014 at 4:00 am

    Wait! Wait wait wait wait wait. Did I miss some posts somewhere? I thought you broke things off with Piano Man because you found out he was dealing with anger issues and then he went into a big psychotic rage about it. JH

    • NotMyShametoBear
      November 8, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Goof, you must be reading backwards. The post you are refering to is in August and this one is in July lol. We hadn’t broken up yet as of this post lol!

  • afairytale84
    November 9, 2014 at 4:39 am

    Eden, clearly you have joined Dr. Who in the TARDIS and are now a time-traveling phenomenon. 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      November 9, 2014 at 3:30 pm

      Haha, that’s me!!

  • Gila
    March 22, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Noooo! I'm not there yet, I didn't know you broke up with him!! :(PS I love Molly!!! My parents could never afford to get me an American Girl doll but I would literally sit on the couch for hours looking at every detail in the catalog. When I was 21 and in a super unhealthy relationship my boyfriend bought me a Josefina. I literally took her around with me everywhere like I was a little girl. Then I finally dumped him (thank God, he was such an emotionally manipulative asshole) and gave away the doll to a little girl in my neighborhood since I didn't want the memories around, and my Mom bought me an Addy 🙂 I wanted a Molly or Samantha but they didn't make them anymore! 🙁 They actually brought back Samantha eventually but by then I already had my Addy, and they still aren't making new Mollys. Your “girl child” is very lucky, because she has a special doll and a super loving mommy!! I'm so glad you were able to take this doll, which was a source of comfort to you during an abusive period, and transform her energies into a positive source of comfort for your daughter also. With my Josefina, I really just needed every single vestige of the jerk ex-boyfriend OUT of my house and giving her to a little girl I knew seemed like the best, most meaningful way to do that. Of course, the guy was pissed that I didn't give it back to HIM– probably for him to recycle onto the next girlfriend– but too bad, I already spent $40 mailing back a huge box of stuff he gave me and then it turned out he had given me the freakin' WRONG ADDRESS and it was returned. OMG. I eventually found a relative who was traveling to his city who was nice enough to hand deliver the box so I didn't have to spend more money.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 30, 2016 at 3:30 pm

      You were nice enough to return it! I’d have been like “For $40, you can come get your own stuff!” Lol!

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