Applicants will not be required to run to the store for tampons, but will be required to perform at least several quarterly midnight milkshake runs.
Applicants must be able to tolerate walking next to me on the beach, even if passerby’s are shielding their eyes in both horror and pain as my
translucent pale skin directly reflects the sun off of it, and blinds anyone within a one mile radius. Applicant should come prepared with UV protection sunglasses for himself and SPF 785 sunscreen for me.
Applicants must be able to tolerate living with the ever impending element of surprise. Often times the first time I think about what I am saying is as I hear myself speaking it. This can be surprising for all parties involved.
Applicants must be ok with hearing an unnecessary amount of facts, statistics, and quotes on a daily basis.
In closure, please read the disclaimer.
Please see also: If an applicant’s office has a security camera, please make note of this in the application.