Things That Make You Ask “Why?” Part 4


This week in “things that make you ask why,” courtesy of my cell phone, I bring you;

Why would anyone my size want to wear this?? Mr. Attorney Man, are you reading this? Can I wear this next time we go to court? I want to look like the chick from “Legally Blond.” It even has a matching purse thingy…. Tempting, veeeeerrrrry tempting.

Why do all these chocolate rabbits look surprised? 
“Ooooo, a carrot!”

“Ooooo, I can’t remember what I was going to say!”

“Oooo, a baseball bat!”

“Oooo, look up, ears!”

“Hi. I’m not surprised. I’m just a confident nerd. I know I look good.”

Why yes, these are big pants.

Why yes, I have let a girl get in my pants before, just in case you were wondering.

I’m telling you, I know I’m weird in my personal life, but somehow, I get away with being just as strange at work. This was taken at the chiropractic office that I clean. They were doing a weight loss thing and they had these big pants hanging on the wall. I’ve become friends with the secretary, so naturally, I asked her if she wanted to get in my pants. Not only was she willing to go along with it, but that’s the chiropractor’s arm in the picture. He was taking pictures of us on his cell phone. On another note, I can’t say this is the first time that I’ve done this….I am not a virgin co-wearer of pants. Hey. I never claimed to be normal.

Why is my slurpee cup empty? Because my poor friend spilled the ENTIRE thing on the seat of her car on the way over to my house. Not just mine, hers too. I don’t even want to know how you get 88 ounces of red #40 and blue raspberry out of car upholstery.
Why no thank you. If this is how this shirt will look on me, I’m certainly not buying it. No. Thank. You. Moving on.
Why is there a warning label telling me that this sucker could get stuck in my throat? “I’m not saying we should kill all of the stupid people, I’m just suggesting that we remove all of the warning labels and let the problem sort itself out.”
Why does this make me laugh? Because its in the nutcase neighbors trashcan. That’s right you two, throw that out! There’s no peace & joy in that home. No false advertising allowed!!
Why this is interesting….which aisle are the wearable diet pills in?
Why yes, I did get all of these for like a $1 a piece at a children’s resale (indoor garage sale). I’m shopping for stuff for the kids, and I realize that the sizes go up to a 16 children’s. I wear a 14 children’s, so….why not? My friends made fun of me the whole way home. Hey, do you know how many clothes I go through at work? This was a deal!! All brand names too. Why not?
Why did no one tell me that belly dancing would give me a flatter tummy than I have ever had in my life? I wish I would have tried it before I had two kids, I would have been ripped!
Why did I just post two of the nearly same exact photo? Because I took them one right after the other and for some reason they keep uploading as a pair. Why? I could not tell you. If I knew why, I would have fixed it.
Why yes, this is my view of the PO box the post office assigned to me for the not-for-profit. It was funny for all of about 5 seconds and now its just annoying as hell. I don’t usually travel with my own ladder.
Why can people not read? This was one of 17 conversations I had that went exactly like this one. 
My ad

Interested buyer followed by my response
Why did I nearly break a knife in the butter? Because apparently butter now comes with prep instructions. Seriously? I literally almost broke the knife trying to stick it into the butter. Not even spreading the butter, but just trying to get it INTO this tub of WHIPPED butter. That’s like breaking a utensil using cool whip. I went searching for an expiration date and realized apparently, I now have to plan to eat toast, 30 minutes before I want to eat toast. This is not going to work for me.
Why not go to a county line dancing club? 
Why are we all line dancing to the “Men In Black” soundtrack?
Why are there balloons falling from the ceiling filled with money? Hello Mardi Gras!!
Why not make a fool of myself for my friends entertainment? No one was dancing! Everyone was just standing around, so, I livened the place up a bit… 
Check out the chick on the right. I don’t know her, but she is definitely giving me “you are crazy” eyes.
Why am I posing with this guy? Because I pointed him out to a friend who promptly walked up to him and said “Hi, my friend was wondering if she could get a picture with you.” After I killed her, we snapped this framer. Also, sandwiched between this guy and the guy behind me, I look like a small child. Good thing I bought all those children’s clothes for myself at the resale.
Why am I including these last two photos? Because my friend snapped them at some point and when I saw them, I laughed at how stupid I looked. Since I am not easily embarrassed, I thought you might get a good laugh out of them too. Holla!

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11 Comments

  • Chebet
    March 6, 2014 at 11:00 am

    Loved this post. :DI work at a hospital and for some reason it seems to be a rule that the gowns for the OR have to be sorted so the XS is on the top shelf and the XL on the bottom. Always serves for a joke. -.- I'm not quite 5'. Yah. Hilaaaaarious. Especially when you're alone, no one can actually hand you the stupid gowns and you end up climbing the shelf. Which results in you being rained in several instead of just one and you stuff the additional ones in your locker, so you don't have to climb next time. DUH! :DAnd, talking of it, I'm sure you'll find these just as true as me:http://totalsororitymove.com/44-things-every-short-girl-can-relate-to/(You've probably read it, it's been posted and reposted for a while now.)

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      I can totally envision that playing out lol! Too funny 🙂

      Thanks for sharing, I had not seen that before!

  • Azeem
    March 6, 2014 at 11:58 am

    This one is different from all of your previous post, very interesting questions you have :-).Good luck and keep posting

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      If you scroll all the way to the bottom where the subheading words are, and click on the one that says “why?” you can read the first three entries like this 🙂

  • Amanda Harris
    March 6, 2014 at 10:03 pm

    I never thought I'd see the day when people turned vitamins into a fashion statement.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 6, 2014 at 2:01 pm

      Haha! True story

  • afairytale84
    March 6, 2014 at 10:50 pm

    Those bunnies are hilarious. Can I just say that I'm rather excited there's another 30-year-old out there that can wear children's clothes? I can't wear children's pants, but a lot of the size 16 shirts I can still squeeze into. And I have a pair of snow pants that I got when I was 12 that I can still wear.My junior year of high school, the lockers for my class were bizarre. There were two shelves above every two lockers. So an entire row of lockers along the wall, with two shelves (one on top of the other, each with its own combo-locked door) above every two lockers. Guess which one I had? Ayup. The top one. I'm 5'2″. I had to stand on my toes to reach the darn lock, then kind of jump or place one foot in my locker to reach up into the darn shelf.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      March 6, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      Yay for small people!! Welcome to the fun sized club 🙂

  • Meredith in SA
    October 31, 2014 at 7:21 pm

    FYI – butter can stay out on the counter.http://gizmodo.com/stop-refrigerating-your-butter-1624023431

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 31, 2014 at 2:02 pm

      You know I’ve vaguely heard that before but never really looked into it. Thanks!! It throws me that it says right on there “keep refrigerated.” Lies, all lies they tell us! Lol 😉

  • Anonymous
    March 20, 2015 at 7:41 am

    Hahaha…Its “hard” cause it is real butter… Honest :)I love the black shoes you have worn in a lot of the pictures! They look great!And… love children's clothes – and thought I was the only one! At the end of the season, they often go on sale for much less than $1 per piece, so I stock up, if I can. For “new recruits”: I find children's pants tend to be “lankier”, so if you have long legs, they somehow just fit better, even if you are of the “curvy variety”, altho this doesn't make sense to me, since I think of kids as straighter, less curvy than adults, it works, and I am (very) curvy. Oh, there are shoes, too. Your black heels look like really good quality, so you may not find “big girl” shoes like that, in children's, but I found a great pair of Pink leather hiking boots! They were about $2 at the end of season clearance! Enjoy 🙂

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