A Letter To My Ex on the 10th Anniversary We Never Reached

Dear Ex,
Today would have been our 10th wedding anniversary, but we didn’t make it. I look back on my life and it is crazy to me to think that I met you only a few years shy of half my life ago. I was still just a kid; playing house in a grown up life.
It was ten years ago today, a decade to be exact, that I innocently walked down the aisle to become your wife. It was a decade ago today that you took the first part of me, not just my hand in marriage, but my entire body as well. It was the day that my hopes for a future that would make up for my past shattered down around me into a million broken dreams.
Still though, I just wanted to take a few minutes to thank you for our marriage. They say that you will know someone is “the one” when they make you a better version of yourself. While I’m pretty sure that our relationship was not exactly what they were referring too, I will admit, you did make me a better version of myself.
Since I wrote you a letter on the 2nd anniversary of your leaving and I shared with you all the things that I had learned since you had gone away, I wanted to take a minute to thank you for everything that you helped me realize about myself during our marriage. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be the person that I am today and I’m kinda starting to love the unlovable me.
It was our marriage that taught me who I want to be and what I want to do with my life.
You ripped everything I had away from me down to the dignity of the skin that I’m in. You left me with no choice but to look inside myself for any shred of self worth that I could find and to build myself back up into being a functioning member of society.
If it weren’t for our marriage, I wouldn’t be the amazing version of myself that I am today; built upon the lessons you taught me and what I taught myself in their aftermath.

You took a lot from me, you broke a lot, you hurt a lot, but because of me, I’m ok.

I guess though, as I am writing this letter, something is becoming apparent to me:
I guess I never really needed you, because my parents had already taught me all of that. You were just a detour that made everything a hell of a lot harder for me.
Anyways, happy “Never 10th Anniversary” baby and cheers to all the rest that we will thankfully never reach.
With all the love in the world,
                 The Girl Who Never Stopped Being Your Wife Even When You Failed to be Her Husband.

P.S. Thanks for the kids. They are pretty awesome and I’m keeping them.

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  • Evelyn
    September 19, 2014 at 11:09 am

    Great letter and happy non anniversary?

  • Anonymous
    September 19, 2014 at 1:37 pm

    AMEN!! And a happy non-10th-and-never-again-with-him A-Day! We are all so proud of you, Eden.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      September 19, 2014 at 8:14 pm

      Whoo hoo! 🙂 Thank you so very much 🙂


  • Mzfuzz
    September 19, 2014 at 2:05 pm

    Happy Nonaversary!!! *hugs*

    • NotMyShametoBear
      September 19, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      Thank you!!!

  • The Loud Introvert
    September 19, 2014 at 4:21 pm

    you rock Eden!! I haven't been on here in a while, however your strength in your words of wisdom are ALWAYS so encouraging to me. We have never met but you're definitely one of my “teachers”.. I admire you so much! -Lisa ( Sorry i didn't mean to post the above Anonymously so i copied and pasted again !! haha crap lol)

    • NotMyShametoBear
      September 19, 2014 at 8:13 pm

      Thanks hun!! I miss seeing your comments on here but I’m glad you popped in today!

      A teacher lol, nice! Not sure Im deserving to teach anyone, but thank you for the compliment!

  • Anonymous
    September 19, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    I believe they call that 'the crushing'. -M

    • NotMyShametoBear
      September 19, 2014 at 8:11 pm


  • Butterfly14
    September 20, 2014 at 7:35 pm

    Nice letter kiddo!!! Walk away with your head held high and hold on to those beautiful babies of yours. ♥

  • MeowMix
    September 22, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    This is such a good idea. Do you feel it brings you closure/understanding/coming to terms with it all? I have dealt with everything (a situation similar to yours) by just thinking about it as little as possible and now 5 years later being able to allow myself brief visits down memory lane but nothing too deep. Maybe it would be therapeutic for me to do something like this. I'm kind of scared of all the sadness, shame, anger and confusion that might come out!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      September 23, 2014 at 7:00 pm

      You know, I hadn’t thought about it….maybe? I think this entire blog leaves me closure! I know that many therapists recomment writing letters to yourself, I bet it would do you a world of wonderful things by getting some of it out and down on paper; I know it’s helping me immensly. There is something theraputic about being able to see what the brain can’t always comprehend.


  • Anonymous
    April 10, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    George M. Troup. 8, 2008 in Nashua, New Hampshire.

  • Anonymous
    May 14, 2018 at 10:09 pm

    eighty one. You might be IN my mind every second of the day.

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