She Didn’t Even See Me
I got mail from the Child Support Division.
I opened the mail while I was in the car and burst into tears.
I am just literally at my wits end with this entire thing. Three months now, three months Mr. Attorney Man and I have been chasing this issue around from office to office, the courthouse and back, only to get a new order approved, sent to the Child Support Division, and have it entered wrong again.
The Child Support office took order from the courthouse, the pink one, and then they entered into their system with the “other” category combined with the “current child support,” which is what you can see on the white copy. Why does that matter? Because the “other” category isn’t my money. It’s money that pays off the kids medical expenses and is currently being intercepted and taken by the state as reimbursement for my kids being on medicaid. Why does it matter if they combine them? Because child support is counted as income when I apply for benefits, the “other” category is not. When state benefit departments check with the Child Support office to see how much I am getting in child support, they are getting a number that is more than double what my court order is actually for. By doubling my income on paper (with money that I don’t even get), it cuts me off of state benefits.
I have four jobs bitch.
Now I know Mr. Attorney Man is just referencing the fact that his law degree can do a lot more damage than my lack of one, but it perfectly brings to light the underlying issue; they don’t think I am anyone important.
Sad because it feels like all the other times when my life was completely falling apart and no one cared enough to help me. Like when my own family didn’t value me enough to help me escape my marriage or when the police ignored my pleas for help and I got raped.
It brings back every moment in my life when I was not worth the efforts of others, because in their eyes I was no one important.
They are no better than a modern day, less murderous version of Hitler. What would Auschwitz look like in 2015? Would we grab all the people who we don’t think have much worth, lock them up, and then have them fill out an application to get out?
“What amount is currently in your savings account?”
“What college did you graduate from?”
“What is your job title?”
“Do you come from a wealthy family?”
“What zip code do you live in?”
Would you get a free pass if you were a doctor or a lawyer? Had more than one college degree? Were set to inherit a trust fund?
Who is judging these applications? Who is deciding how valuable a person is? How do we know what someone is worth on paper?
The Child Support caseworker I’ve been dealing with, she had no right to talk to me the way she did. She has no right to judge me in the same way that she isn’t allowed to throw racist comments at me or judge me by my gender, because I am more than what she thinks she sees.
Success and value are not one in the same, they are two separate and unique entities, each worthy in their own right.
At the end of the day, at the end of your life, nothing matters but what you did with that life. The value of your actions do not lie within a degree, a title, or a bank account, they lie only in what you did with what you had.
**If you want to see how the mission trip house turned out, click here. **