Essential Items For Tornado Preparedness (Or How To Have A BBQ Under Your House)

Below are a few pics I snapped on my phone last spring.

When you live near farmland like I do, you tend to get hit with more severe weather than other areas might.

Not only can you get caught in the deadly situation of driving for miles upon miles with no place to seek shelter, but just the simple fact that the wind itself travels unobstructed for miles before it slams directly into your neighborhood is dangerous enough. Where I live has been known to have some pretty intense tornadoes and because of that, most people around here take the threat of storms pretty seriously.

The other day I found myself talking to my neighbor about how I was getting things ready for the storm season to begin, and the conversation went a little like this:

Me: “Yea, I’m so tired of the sirens going off in the middle of the night and then having to scramble to get everyone downstairs while still half asleep, that I finally just packed a tornado bag. I put a memory stick in there that has all my important documents and family photos on it, the safety deposit box key, a phone charger, some granola bars for the kids, and a pair of shoes for everyone. Now if the sirens go off I just need to take my phone and get everyone downstairs, put the kids bike helmets on, and grab the safety whistle in case you know, the house falls on us.”

“That’s a great idea!” she exclaimed. “I am totally packing a bag like that when I get back inside!!”

The next day as I was unloading groceries from my car she excitedly came running over to tell me that she had packed her very own tornado bag.

“…and I put three cans of corn in there, a can opener, shelf stable meat, some bowls, plastic plates, spoons, paper towels, a few jugs of water, cups, …”

“WHAT!? Why did you pack yourself a BBQ?” I asked her, trying my best not to give her my “you did not just say that” face.

Still talking I went on to explain “I just packed a few snacks for in the event that we end up in a red cross tent, my kids probably won’t be able to eat anything they have available, and I’ll need to be able to tide them over until we get to our next stop.”

“Ohhhh…” she said slowly as I could visibly see the wheels in her head turning. “I thought the food was so that if the house fell on you, you wouldn’t starve to death under there.”


“Hell no!” I practically shrieked. “If the house falls on me, I’m going to be spending my time blowing my safety whistle and digging myself out, not setting up for Memorial Day! If you have enough room to be opening cans and passing out meals, you probably have enough room to be constructing an escape plan. We don’t live in an apartment building where we have to make our way out from under 40 stories of debris. Hell we don’t even have basements, our escape plan starts at ground level.”

“Weeelllll” she said slowly. “I think I’ll just keep them in there anyways, you never know, we could be under a pile for days.”

“Ok no problem” I told her. “But if the neighborhood blows away, I’m going to dig you out last because I know the only reason I can’t find you is simply because you are busy making dinner.”

She did not find that funny.

Although this woman is awesome in so many ways, I’m suddenly a bit frightened for her in the event of a crisis situation.

Also, with my luck not only will I lose my house, but I’ll be slammed in the face by a flying hamburger or a cake that is ripped out of her hands and catapulted in my direction as she watches the tornado approach.

I can see the news headline now: 
“Woman survives tornado but loses eye due to neighbor’s hot dog turned projectile.”
After she finished telling me what else she had packed in her BBQ tornado preparedness bag, she asked me what I thought.

And really, what do you say to someone who has planned an under-the-house family picnic?

So, I called it like I saw it.

“Aw, you’re so pretty.”


If You Liked This, Check Out These!

“You Will Never Guess What I Saw Today (And I’m Not Sure You Want To).”

“Yes, This Actually Happened”

“At Least It’s Not An Umbrella”

Photo Credits:
Red Shirt Woman
Woman With Glasses
Woman With Hat


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  • NotMyShametoBear
    April 14, 2015 at 8:45 am

    Haha right? I deleted that comment, that person was nuts. Yes, apparently I am not only me, but all of you as well! You should post your website link on here, show that person how many sites I’m apparently running all by myself lol. ((shakes head))

  • Steven Theiss
    April 14, 2015 at 2:54 pm

    I do have some fairly significant emergency supplies in my basement, but that's mostly just in case of a zombie plague.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 14, 2015 at 8:47 am

      Oh, well in that case, stockpile away!

  • Butterfly14
    April 14, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    On the floor laughing!! Thanks, I needed that ♥

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 14, 2015 at 8:47 am

      Well you are very welcome, that was my intention 🙂


  • afairytale84
    April 14, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    I have a box of granola bars, a big bag of dried fruit, a case of water, a flashlight, and a blanket in my car. This is mostly because I am paranoid about getting lost in the middle of absolutely nowhere with no cell service.Keep in mind that “the middle of absolutely nowhere” is at least 50 miles from my house and I never go there…

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 14, 2015 at 8:47 am

      That is hysterical. Hey, you never know. If you get stuck in a major traffic jam, you will be in great shape!

  • Mary Anne
    April 14, 2015 at 11:53 pm

    You just cracked me up!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 14, 2015 at 8:46 am

      She cracked me up! That was so funny! Love her, but I’m never letting her live this one down!

  • Mzfuzz
    April 15, 2015 at 1:31 am

    Heeheehee!!! Love it. And it's a great idea. :DBut seriously, all I really want to know is…..Am I me? Or am I Eden? Or Afairytale84? I'm so confused……….

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 14, 2015 at 8:46 am

      Oh man, my reply didn’t actually reply. Look your your reply as the comment below this one!

  • afairytale84
    April 15, 2015 at 11:33 pm

    You must be a Time Lord or something, considering all the different places all these posts are coming from and the timestamps on them.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 15, 2015 at 7:08 am

      So what you’re saying here… is that you don’t believe my skills to be that awesome?


      I have no idea how, but I’d just like to point out that I could.

      Lol just kidding. That doesn’t even make sense. Why on earth would someone spend so much time writing a blog, if they were also all the commenters? That would be a lot of time wasted trying to impress yourself… myself… the voices in my head…

  • Zoddbrah
    April 18, 2015 at 4:00 pm

    WrongThe illuminati are obviously behind this

  • Gila
    April 6, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    So, you packed food and she packed food…what difference does it make what type of food it was? It's always good to have food in an emergency bag, maybe she/her kids don't like granola bars! I don't think she sounds crazy at all! Although I would be a little wary of shelf-stable meat.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      April 7, 2016 at 3:33 am

      I was laughing because she packed a can opener. Around here, as soon as the tornado blows through, Red Cross comes barreling in. It was just funny that she was thinking she was going camping 🙂


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