A Court Date, A DCFS Case, And A Cry For Help
“Do you know what makes you special, in a different way than the baby in mommy’s tummy?” The Guy asked The Boy Child as he pulled him onto his lap.
“I’m better at building with Legos” The Boy Child replied, apparently confident in his six-year-old understanding of how the world works.
“Well, yes” The Guy replied, trying not to laugh, before asking “but do you know what makes me love you so much?”
“Because I’m your best buddy!” The Boy Child exclaimed, throwing his arms around The Guy’s neck.
Hugging him back, The Guy explained “yes you are! You are my buddy, and what makes you so special to me, is that your brother is being born into our family, but I picked you to be mine. I met you, and I took a good long look at everything that makes you who you are, and I said to myself ‘I want to be his daddy, because that’s how much I love him.’ Forever, and ever, and ever, you’re mine, because out of all the little boys in the whole wide world, I picked you.”
When the teachers started looking through the building, and I heard one frantic office worker say to another teacher “it’s like he just vanished,” I remember thinking to myself “this is the moment where my life ends.”
Frantically texting my husband while I’m completely falling apart, I hear them repeatedly paging my son over the school’s intercom system as everyone around me begins to search.
And looking back, I know that he was at the school the entire time. I know that the danger factor was relatively low, but still, things needed to change. Although we have made great strides in the control of The Boy Child’s seizures, he is still plagued by severe cognitive dysfunctions; issues that cloud his logical thinking and disintegrate his ability to understand cause and effect.
In the last year The Guy and I have had to “baby proof” the house once again. Outlet covers, special locks on doors, securing furniture to walls, and maintaining a security system that is in place not so much for the fear that someone may break in, but the fear that someone may wander out. And every night, we hook him up to a pulse oxygen monitor so that we will know if he is seizing and in distress.
Yet it hasn’t been enough, because although he has been safe, he still flooded our house last spring and we ended up living in a hotel. Now, with his disappearance at school, even though he has an aide that is with him during the day, it solidified with us that we need more help.
In other words, he’s the same as always.
The same person who has hurt my children, and continues to do so. And all of this, has just made me even angrier at him because this worker was not the one I initially wanted to hire. She wasn’t even in my top five, but she was the one that I could afford, because my son’s medical bills are out of control, my ex isn’t paying anything towards them, and there is only so much that The Guy and I can afford.
Not that my ex cares.
So here we are, my son processing what has now happened to him twice, two parents who would do anything to help him (yet somehow keep failing), and one biological dad who after abusing my child to the point of permanent damage, is now filing petitions with the court asking that he be removed from his medical bill responsibility, because he has a new family now.
I’m so angry.
I didn’t even know that she knew a lot of those words, and it breaks my heart. I try so hard to protect her from what is going on with her biological father, but I guess I’m not doing as well as I thought, because she apparently has heard the words “child support,” “judge,” and “court” before. Do you see what’s not on there? Custody. She knows that her biological father isn’t coming back. In fact cemetery is on there, because despite what I tell her, she often asks if he has died. Funeral isn’t on there, because she has no proof that he has.
She is trying to forgive him for what he has done to her, but this isn’t an easy process to understand.
“Daddy picked me” my daughter says to me sometimes when I tuck her into bed, referring to the dad she has now. She has a little light up board on her shelf, that she draws pictures on, and it illuminates while she falls asleep. I looked at it the other day and it said “I love you daddy,” with a little smiley face where the “o” should be. She’s nine, and she knows that while someone set her down and walked away, someone else came along and picked her up.
Court is in two weeks, and by the grace of God, my horrific judge has finally retired. We will go to hearing in front of a new judge, and I am praying that this will be the turning point in a case that has dragged out way too long.
My son needs this. My daughter needs this. We all do.
I just need the judge to understand that. This isn’t about me, or my ex, this is about children.
I need the judge to look at my ex, then look back at the files, and pick my children.
Please pick them.
It is a real shame that humans can be so horrible. The saving grace is that humans can be so wonderful. I hope this new judge is one of the latter. May you be so blessed and so loved throughout this new year.
I am so sorry you all have had to endure this. Why the heck isn't your ex facing criminal charges? Can they prove his brain damage is due to his father's abuse? He should hang for this, the SOB…
I read this and all I can think is offer the ex the option of a lump sum, a big one, and let your husband adopt the children then walk away from that train wreck and never give him another minute of your time. If only he'd just pay that big settlement, I bet he never would.
Best of luck to you, he is truly awful and you and your children have been repeatedly victimized by him and the court. I wish only good things for you all from here on out.
He's toxic. I hope you can all cut him out of your lives someday.
*more hugs*
Look at one moms battle, she had education packets you can send to judges. Prayers all goes well
And I also hope the new judge chooses the welfare of the kids.
My heart broke into a million pieces reading this today…I am so sorry that on top of what you already go through on just a normal, regular basis, you now have to deal with an added issue. You had absolutely no way of knowing that this person hired to care for your son would do the opposite. Please don't ever doubt yourselves as parents…you and your husband are doing everything in the best possible way that you can and know how to. Sending lots of healing/loving thoughts to you all. I hope with all hope that the new judge is able to make a sound decision and pick your kids…they deserve that at the very least.
Praying for you and your family (hugs)
You and The Guy are doing a great job with the kids and I'm glad you all have each other.
I can't even imagine what you and your husband went through. That someone can be so malicious and manipulative…makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Fingers crossed that this new judge has some common sense (bec the last one DID NOT).
On top of everything you've had to endure, your son has been hurt in the care of someone he trusted? That breaks my heart. You and The Guy are amazing parents and your children are blessed to have you both in their lives!
I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this. Higs
You got this!!
Hang in there, you guys are doing great no matter what life doles out to you. I have found that some of the worst people out there can charm the pants off a snake. Have faith that the new judge sees what he is doing and slams him for it. Best wishes!!
Holy moly! I am shocked at what happened to your son! Let’s hope the new judge sees thru the bullshit of your ex that the old judge wouldn’t. It’s about time he is forced to step up and do the right thing by his children. Sending you hugs and prayers!!! ?❤️
I agree with this idea. I hope its a good option for you and your family. Cut the ties and leave him and all his mess in the past. Y'all deserve to never have to discuss him again.
I'm just very proud of you, miss. You've been using your beautiful face and being more open over this past year. I see amazing things for you and your beautiful family and hopefully an eventual end to the constant court drama. Can't wait for your newest little to join you all. =)
It was a hard read. Your poor boy has been through a ringer. Im glad the guy was able to let him know how special he is
Insert eyeroll…
Prayers for wisdom for the new judge. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the best that you can and your kids know that.
Helicopter parenting can be as harmful as neglectful parenting. You should try to lighten your ways now so your kids don't resent it when they grow older. You can't use the excuse, you only wanted what was best for them or at least your behavior wasn't abusive, if they end up harmed.
Oh brother, the trolls just look for anything to complain about don't they? Have you seen the pictures she posts of her kids? They do EVERYTHING. They are always somewhere, doing something fun/exciting/educational/adventurous. It's not like she has them locked in a box in the basement. If she wants to keep them safe, so what? It's a hell of a lot better than many other parents are doing these days. So what do you suggest you say to the parents whose kids got harmed after they weren't being properly monitored? “Well at least you weren't abused or monitored too closely.” That's stupid. Go away, you sound dumb.
Its isn’t your ex husbands fault that the person you hired hurt your son- I can see how you’re trying to correlate the two but it isn’t logical. Him not paying everything he owes doesn’t make him reliable foryour son being harmed. While your children have gone through a terrible experience you have prevailed and come out as an extremely strong person. Focusing solely on what your ex didn’t do for you~ and constantly drilling those details into your children’s head~ is a disservice to the wonderful relationship you seem to have now and also perpetually makes your children view themselves as weak victims. From a therapeutic standpoint are doing little more than stunting their emotional growth…….especially that of your daughter. She was barely a toddler when her father walked out so she remembers and knows ONLY what YOU tell her of your ex. The therapy because she’s a wounded little birdie makes no sense bc she wouldn’t know she was a victim unless you constantly drilled it into her little head. Growing up without a father is the only reality she knew until recently; she knew no alternative, and surely wasn’t born into this world knowing about court or child support or any of thethe other very-adult topics you have chosen to share with her. And your son knew NOTHING of the situation with his father unless you told him over and over again; his brain was way too small to register that he was “hurt by daddy” as a wee infant! I understand your overwhelming urge to tell your kids about all the bad stuff that daddy did to them, whether it’s because you don’t want them thinking it was YOU that disadvantaged them in their early years, or because keeping them in a victim mindset ressures you that this very bad thing definitely happened and helps you feel stronger for pulling through it all…..it ensures that you’re always the good guyand he’s always the bad guy. Regardless, went not stop living in the past, show then to flourish within the new family you’ve worked so hard to create, and let them be normal kids who aren’t always questioning why daddy didn’t love then enough. It’s clear you have immense unconditional love for your beautiful children but allowing them to live in the past and always be victims of a man that’s essentially less than worthless, doesn’t seem necessary. You’re quite inspirational and I applaud your efforts to rebuild your family after a terrible loss…..but it’s time to appreciate the present and live for tomorrow, not what could have been.