A Court Date, A DCFS Case, And A Cry For Help


“Do you know what makes you special, in a different way than the baby in mommy’s tummy?” The Guy asked The Boy Child as he pulled him onto his lap.

“I’m better at building with Legos” The Boy Child replied, apparently confident in his six-year-old understanding of how the world works.

“Well, yes” The Guy replied, trying not to laugh, before asking “but do you know what makes me love you so much?”

“Because I’m your best buddy!” The Boy Child exclaimed, throwing his arms around The Guy’s neck.

Hugging him back, The Guy explained “yes you are! You are my buddy, and what makes you so special to me, is that your brother is being born into our family, but I picked you to be mine. I met you, and I took a good long look at everything that makes you who you are, and I said to myself  ‘I want to be his daddy, because that’s how much I love him.’ Forever, and ever, and ever, you’re mine, because out of all the little boys in the whole wide world, I picked you.”

With The Boy Child in is arms, The Guy is showing him how to hold his candle during the Christmas church service.
 
******************
 
A couple weeks before Christmas, The Boy Child was injured, intentionally, by a respite care worker we had hired to keep him safe. And due to a pending investigation of her, I can’t go into details, but this woman had worked for us for a couple months, had gone through a background check, interview, drug test, and CPR class, all through a respite care agency. Yet still, she harbored an anger streak that none of us knew about.
I had hired her to keep my son safe, and she failed.
And there were a lot of sleepless nights where tears of guilt and anger soaked my pillow, because my son has now been hurt twice by people with whom I have allowed into his life.
I consider myself to be a safety crazy mother. I’ve let my kids get in a car with less than five people besides me, in their entire lives, because I don’t trust many people to drive them. I researched the hell out of the car seats they ride in; and yes, my nine year old is still in a high back booster. I’ve taken a CPR and Heimlich maneuver class almost every year, yet I still cut the kid’s hot dogs up into pieces so small, that when I’m done with it, it resembles pate, but I don’t care because at least they won’t choke. I take cold showers because I keep the water heater thermostat at a setting that assures me the kids won’t ever be burned in the tub, and now that my eldest is venturing out on more and more play dates, I got her a GPS tracking watch, because I want to make sure that when I leave her somewhere, she stays there until I come to get her.
But last month, I went to pick my children up from school, and The Boy Child wasn’t there. Initially I thought that maybe he was just a bit late getting from his classroom to where I pick him up, but as the lot began to empty and he still wasn’t in sight, I started to panic.

When the teachers started looking through the building, and I heard one frantic office worker say to another teacher “it’s like he just vanished,” I remember thinking to myself “this is the moment where my life ends.”

Frantically texting my husband while I’m completely falling apart, I hear them repeatedly paging my son over the school’s intercom system as everyone around me begins to search.

I never use the word “God,” unless I’m speaking about God himself, and  try not to send messages with obvious typos, but looking back at these messages I sent to The Guy, all I can see is how panicked I was.
Fifteen minutes later, with my daughter in tears, the crossing guard looking up and down the streets, and me screaming to call the police, The Boy Child suddenly appeared.
Instead of coming out the door that he always has — the door he is supposed to come out of — he had gone out into the teacher’s lot, where he was eventually found.
With my husband racing to the school from work, I crumpled into a ball by the playground, hugging my children and thanking God for sparing me from a nightmare that other parents haven’t been as lucky to wake up from.

And looking back, I know that he was at the school the entire time. I know that the danger factor was relatively low, but still, things needed to change. Although we have made great strides in the control of The Boy Child’s seizures, he is still plagued by severe cognitive dysfunctions; issues that cloud his logical thinking and disintegrate his ability to understand cause and effect.

In the last year The Guy and I have had to “baby proof” the house once again. Outlet covers, special locks on doors, securing furniture to walls, and maintaining a security system that is in place not so much for the fear that someone may break in, but the fear that someone may wander out. And every night, we hook him up to a pulse oxygen monitor so that we will know if he is seizing and in distress.

Yet it hasn’t been enough, because although he has been safe, he still flooded our house last spring and we ended up living in a hotel. Now, with his disappearance at school, even though he has an aide that is with him during the day, it solidified with us that we need more help.

That night, after my heart finally stopped pounding loud enough for me to think over the noise, The Guy and I decided that it was time to hire a respite care worker. We were willing to do what we needed to do, to make sure that despite the distractions of inevitable life, that between us all, there would always be eyes on him.
Safety.
But instead, she injured him.
Shaking through anger I watched my husband come to terms with the knowledge that someone had hurt his son, and for the first time, I saw the fury in him that I’ve felt in my own soul for the last six years.
My son is like this, because my ex intentionally hurt him.
And if you were wondering, court with my ex is going nowhere fast. We never did come to an agreement, and a hearing was set for January, which as you may have noticed, is now here. In the meantime, he has continued to fall behind on child support, and not pay a single penny towards medical bills.


In other words, he’s the same as always.

The same person who has hurt my children, and continues to do so. And all of this, has just made me even angrier at him because this worker was not the one I initially wanted to hire. She wasn’t even in my top five, but she was the one that I could afford, because my son’s medical bills are out of control, my ex isn’t paying anything towards them, and there is only so much that The Guy and I can afford.

Not that my ex cares.

So here we are, my son processing what has now happened to him twice, two parents who would do anything to help him (yet somehow keep failing), and one biological dad who after abusing my child to the point of permanent damage, is now filing petitions with the court asking that he be removed from his medical bill responsibility, because he has a new family now.

I’m so angry.

My daughter is in a grief support group at her school, dealing with the fallout of an abandoning parent. I was going through her book bag not long ago, when I came across a worksheet from the group, that she had filled out.

I didn’t even know that she knew a lot of those words, and it breaks my heart. I try so hard to protect her from what is going on with her biological father, but I guess I’m not doing as well as I thought, because she apparently has heard the words “child support,” “judge,” and “court” before. Do you see what’s not on there? Custody. She knows that her biological father isn’t coming back. In fact cemetery is on there, because despite what I tell her, she often asks if he has died. Funeral isn’t on there, because she has no proof that he has.

She is trying to forgive him for what he has done to her, but this isn’t an easy process to understand.

***************

“Daddy picked me” my daughter says to me sometimes when I tuck her into bed, referring to the dad she has now. She has a little light up board on her shelf, that she draws pictures on, and it illuminates while she falls asleep. I looked at it the other day and it said “I love you daddy,” with a little smiley face where the “o” should be. She’s nine, and she knows that while someone set her down and walked away, someone else came along and picked her up.

Court is in two weeks, and by the grace of God, my horrific judge has finally retired. We will go to hearing in front of a new judge, and I am praying that this will be the turning point in a case that has dragged out way too long.

My son needs this. My daughter needs this. We all do.

I just need the judge to understand that. This isn’t about me, or my ex, this is about children.

I need the judge to look at my ex, then look back at the files, and pick my children.

Please pick them.

******************
 
If you missed last weeks post, you can read it here: 

 

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24 Comments

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 4:40 pm

    It is a real shame that humans can be so horrible. The saving grace is that humans can be so wonderful. I hope this new judge is one of the latter. May you be so blessed and so loved throughout this new year.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 4:51 pm

    I am so sorry you all have had to endure this. Why the heck isn't your ex facing criminal charges? Can they prove his brain damage is due to his father's abuse? He should hang for this, the SOB…

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 5:29 pm

    I read this and all I can think is offer the ex the option of a lump sum, a big one, and let your husband adopt the children then walk away from that train wreck and never give him another minute of your time. If only he'd just pay that big settlement, I bet he never would.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    Best of luck to you, he is truly awful and you and your children have been repeatedly victimized by him and the court. I wish only good things for you all from here on out.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 5:35 pm

    He's toxic. I hope you can all cut him out of your lives someday.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    *more hugs*

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 6:15 pm

    Look at one moms battle, she had education packets you can send to judges. Prayers all goes well

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 6:25 pm

    And I also hope the new judge chooses the welfare of the kids.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 8:21 pm

    My heart broke into a million pieces reading this today…I am so sorry that on top of what you already go through on just a normal, regular basis, you now have to deal with an added issue. You had absolutely no way of knowing that this person hired to care for your son would do the opposite. Please don't ever doubt yourselves as parents…you and your husband are doing everything in the best possible way that you can and know how to. Sending lots of healing/loving thoughts to you all. I hope with all hope that the new judge is able to make a sound decision and pick your kids…they deserve that at the very least.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 8:22 pm

    Praying for you and your family (hugs)

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 8:23 pm

    You and The Guy are doing a great job with the kids and I'm glad you all have each other.

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 10:50 pm

    I can't even imagine what you and your husband went through. That someone can be so malicious and manipulative…makes me sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Fingers crossed that this new judge has some common sense (bec the last one DID NOT).

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 10:53 pm

    On top of everything you've had to endure, your son has been hurt in the care of someone he trusted? That breaks my heart. You and The Guy are amazing parents and your children are blessed to have you both in their lives!

  • Facebook
    January 5, 2018 at 10:54 pm

    I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this. Higs

  • Facebook
    January 6, 2018 at 2:04 am

    You got this!!

  • Facebook
    January 6, 2018 at 4:09 am

    Hang in there, you guys are doing great no matter what life doles out to you. I have found that some of the worst people out there can charm the pants off a snake. Have faith that the new judge sees what he is doing and slams him for it. Best wishes!!

  • Facebook
    January 6, 2018 at 5:30 pm

    Holy moly! I am shocked at what happened to your son! Let’s hope the new judge sees thru the bullshit of your ex that the old judge wouldn’t. It’s about time he is forced to step up and do the right thing by his children. Sending you hugs and prayers!!! 🙏❤️

  • Facebook
    January 6, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    I agree with this idea. I hope its a good option for you and your family. Cut the ties and leave him and all his mess in the past. Y'all deserve to never have to discuss him again.

  • Facebook
    January 7, 2018 at 1:17 am

    I'm just very proud of you, miss. You've been using your beautiful face and being more open over this past year. I see amazing things for you and your beautiful family and hopefully an eventual end to the constant court drama. Can't wait for your newest little to join you all. =)

  • Instagram
    January 7, 2018 at 1:18 am

    It was a hard read. Your poor boy has been through a ringer. Im glad the guy was able to let him know how special he is

  • Anonymous
    January 8, 2018 at 7:01 pm

    Insert eyeroll…

  • wandralong
    January 9, 2018 at 2:07 am

    Prayers for wisdom for the new judge. Try not to be so hard on yourself. You’re doing the best that you can and your kids know that.

  • Anonymous
    January 10, 2018 at 4:39 am

    Helicopter parenting can be as harmful as neglectful parenting. You should try to lighten your ways now so your kids don't resent it when they grow older. You can't use the excuse, you only wanted what was best for them or at least your behavior wasn't abusive, if they end up harmed.

  • Anonymous
    January 10, 2018 at 3:22 pm

    Oh brother, the trolls just look for anything to complain about don't they? Have you seen the pictures she posts of her kids? They do EVERYTHING. They are always somewhere, doing something fun/exciting/educational/adventurous. It's not like she has them locked in a box in the basement. If she wants to keep them safe, so what? It's a hell of a lot better than many other parents are doing these days. So what do you suggest you say to the parents whose kids got harmed after they weren't being properly monitored? “Well at least you weren't abused or monitored too closely.” That's stupid. Go away, you sound dumb.

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