You Can’t Pay For Drama Like This

Have you ever sat down to lunch with a friend you haven’t seen in a while, and it feels like there is so much to catch up on, that you don’t even know where to start?

That’s were we are, people.

I guess I’ll start with a short update, and I’m also going to throw out there that trust me, you will want to see this post through to the end.

Trust me.

It was a very busy summer, that rolled into fall and now all of a sudden it’s Christmas. And while I’m used to sharing every intricate detail of my life with you, the blog has been glaringly quiet over the last few months, as I fell prey to a corrupt web company that I hired to move this blog from being hosted on Blogger, to WordPress.

Let’s just say that it wasn’t a pleasant experience.

Thankfully, Mr. Attorney Man and I were able to get it sorted out, and then I hired someone else that clearly got the job done. Yay!

Do you like my shiny new space? It’s all the same content from the old blog, just moved over here, and jazzed up a bit. If you haven’t done so yet, check out the menu options, where you will find several new features, along with information about renting me and Mr. Attorney Man.

But anyway, I’m back! And If you remember where I had left off a few months ago, The Guy, the kids, the ferrets, and I, were living at the Hyatt due to a gap in between selling my townhouse, and building our new house. We had put nearly everything we owned into storage, and were planning to enjoy the summer, before moving into the new house shortly after school started for the kids.

Those are our happy faces (and some waiter dude photo bombing us at a Comedy Club), because living at the Hyatt, was amazing.

But then, because life, in September we learned that there was going to be a delay on the new house construction. And although we had been at the Hyatt for four months and would have loved to stay, the hotel wasn’t in our children’s new school district, and staying there longer than we had planned would exceed the school’s allowable “out of district” attendance policy.

Meaning, it was going to cost us almost $150 a day to send our kids to school, unless we wanted to enroll them in a different school for a couple months.

NOPE. 

Nope to all of that.

Instead we found an apartment in district, which seemed like a great idea, until we learned that per our moving company, we couldn’t access any of our stored housing contents unless we wanted to unload EVERYTHING we had stored; which in our case, was the contents of an entire house.

Awesome.

And more nope.

NOPE.

So I cried. Because we can’t fit the contents of an entire three bedroom townhouse into a tiny two bedroom apartment, which lead to the conclusion that we get nothing.

No prizes, no furniture, no winter coats.

So I did the only thing I could; I washed my face, summoned up a smile, packed up the few items we had taken to the Hyatt with us, and moved the family into an empty apartment.

But really, it’s not like I haven’t lived like I’m nearly homeless before. Hell, I already went through training for this when my ex abandoned us and I sold nearly everything I owned!

Thankfully, as always, I was reminded that I am surrounded by amazing people. And it wasn’t long after we’d moved in, that we were also surrounded by everything from mattresses, to sheets and towels, dishes and silverware, cooking utensils and trash cans. There were even a few lamps that I’m pretty sure came from the 70’s, all hauled over by my wonderful family of friends.

The apartment is OK. I went to the $1 store and bought as many tacky Halloween decorations as I could find, to try and cheer up a place that is painted entirely in beige; walls, baseboards, and ceiling (ceiling!?). Ya’ll I did it ALL. I wrapped the doors in scary door wrap, I hung skeletons and goblins everywhere. I went. ALL. OUT. Bitches!

And in the process, I accidentally turned the entire place into a haunted house.

Oops.

The kids loved it, but I however, was a bit creeped out when I would feed the baby at night and most of what surrounded me in the dark, had black eyes and scary faces.

So much for trying to make this experience fun…

But now it’s Christmas and this time, I got as many sparkly $1 Christmas decorations as I could find,

Therefore, I now give you what I am calling, gaudy Christmas:

It feels a bit more cheerful, even if at night, we retire to our mattresses on the floor, in our glaringly empty bedrooms. Which by the way, makes dusting easy.

We do put the sheets on the bed, FYI, which I feel the need to say (we may be weird, but we are not disgusting). I had just pulled them out of the dryer in this picture.

Oh yea, and even though the apartment is only two bedrooms, the closet is strangely large, so… The Littlest is sleeping in it. In my defense it is the only space that gets dark during the day for his nap.

We keep the door cracked for airflow, because #parenting, and I promise he is fine.

Really though, I can’t complain. It’s a roof over our heads and a warm place to sleep, which in and of itself, leaves me blessed. I know that, and I am thankful.

HOWEVER, I will ask you to join in with me, as we collectively gasp in shock over something else.

I’m serious.

If you are drinking, stop. If you are eating, really, just stop. If you are driving, get the hell off your phone. Because this is big. BIG. You are about to hear great big “what the fuck” news, and so I am just warning you to prepare yourselves

Remember “The Neighbors” that spurred me to start this blog? The ones that we all hated, and then rejoiced when they moved away? They moved to one state, and then to another state, and now that I am moving to a new town, they moved back to my state. And, I kid you not, I could not even make this shit up if I tried, but WE ARE ABOUT TO BE NEIGHBORS AGAIN.

Why!? WHY? What have I done in a past life to have such weird shit happen to me?

WHY I ASK!?

Seriously, when I move in, they will live .38 seconds away from me, according to Mapquest. And yes, I am the crazy bitch that looked that up after the Lady Neighbor posted in the neighborhood group — my new neighborhood — that she had just moved in. Then she posted her address. (We can’t all be geniuses you know).

I remember sitting there in shock, calling my husband, and freaking out a little bit. But then I realized something; This is absolutely hysterical!!!

I’m an adult, and once I actually thought this through, I realized that I really don’t care. Honestly, I don’t really care whether I see them or not, except for the fact that I should probably thank them for a few things.

Do they make a Hallmark card for that?

“On this day, I’d like to thank you for what I learned when it comes to the way you people treat sexual assault and domestic violence victims. It was your behavior that spurred me to start a blog, which gave me a career, and fueled my mission. Maybe I should thank you each time I accept an award, take a stage, or fly across the country for a meeting? Do you know how many people this mission has helped, all because after everything I’d gone through, it was you who pissed me off enough to really do something about it? I can’t even thank my ex for that! Come to think of it, we really should get together soon, because I’d love to get your input on a few other projects I’m working on. Do you mind if I bring a few million people from the Internet?”

Is that too much?

Eh, oh well.

I’m sure I will bump into them at our kid’s schools, or the playground, but honestly, whatever. It’s irrelevant to me at this point, and if there’s anything I’ve learned over the years, it’s that some people just suck.

Yep, they do.

As for me, it’s been four years of blogging here, and as I watched the blog transfer over and the pages of my life flip by, even I was shocked at how much I have lived through, and how much I have overcome.

Dare I say that I’m proud?

Yea, I’m proud.

However, what I am not proud about, is the fight that I got into with some lady at Ikea a few weeks ago, and no, I have not forgotten that I promised all of you on Facebook, that I would blog the inside scoop.

Stay turned for that next time.

Oh! And since this is a new platform, you will need to resubscribe! You can do that by scrolling all the way down if you are on a mobile device, or to the right of the blog if you are on a laptop.

(Note: if you are looking for quality work for a phenomenal price, hire Jason Balcerak. And this isn’t a sponsored ad or anything, I am just so grateful he was able to clean up the mess Searchberg made, and give me this shiny new space to come back to!)