I Realized That I Am The Ugliest Person At The Gym


Last week I had one day in particular that was a little bit crazier than my normal crazy days. It started off as a fairly routine day. I had a meeting scheduled with a domestic abuse shelter, then I was supposed to head over to Mr. Attorney Man’s office for a quick conversation, and then I needed to get a few other things done before I picked up the kids from daycare.
I started out the day feeling pretty chipper, as I usually do, but then I pulled out of my driveway and noticed something; piles of moving boxes sitting at the curb.
WHAT THE FUCK.
I called my friend and was all “OMGOSH guess what I just saw!? The two nutcases have been hoarding boxes in their garage for weeks and now they are all at the curb!! THEY HAD BETTER STILL BE FREAKING MOVING.” I was so disturbed by this sight that I actually backed back into my driveway and then ran around to the front yard hoping that I was still going to be able to see my most favorite sight in the world. Nope, the for sale sign was gone.
DAMMIT.
I got back into my car and continued driving to the shelter, albeit a bit grouchier than I was before, when my phone started chiming with text message alerts.
It was my mother.
When it rains it pours, am I right?
She was finally getting back to me in regards to the “can we meet and talk” text that I had sent her several weeks ago. Her text read “we have nothing to talk about,” which is funny, because she has been texting, calling, and emailing me for months on end, near begging me to hear her out, and now suddenly, we have nothing to talk about?
I texted back, saying “with the nonprofit going public soon, I think it would be a good idea for us to get on the same page with what I’m planning to talk about. I don’t want to anger the family, so let’s discuss how I can best go about this in a way that you are comfortable with.”
Honestly, I really don’t care how comfortable she is, but I’m trying to make the best out of a bad situation and I really didn’t want to be bitchy to the point where she exploded before we even met.
Apparently none of that mattered though, because it happened anyways. You guys, she absolutely beyond description exploded. I mean I literally have no words for what took place next. Texts upon texts just ripping apart every human attribute that I have, everything from just being alive to the way I parent. Texts saying that it was my fault my ex left and it was my fault that she treated me the way she did. Texts saying that I just needed to get over what happened in my childhood and that I’m a sick and twisted person for not letting the past die. Texts saying I wouldn’t need a nonprofit if I hadn’t chased my ex away and that if I had been a better child, maybe I would have had a family that loved me. Texts saying that if I chose to move forward with the nonprofit, that they would personally expose every insecurity that I had to the world. By the time I got to the shelter I was wiping running make-up off my face and trying to dab away new tears before they even fell.

I didn’t really have time to dwell on it though, I needed to get to into the meeting so I did my best to put on my big girl face and I think overall the meeting went pretty well.

As I left the shelter and started driving to Mr. Attorney Man’s office, texts from my brother started pouring in. “Fuck You” was sent over and over and when I didn’t respond they started coming faster. I actually had to pull over on the way to his office and sit in a Target parking lot just to shake off the knot that was starting to form in my stomach. I gave myself a little pep talk in the sun visor mirror and vowed not to shed another tear because of such evil people. By evening they had ceased fire, which was a good thing because later that afternoon was when XOJane published my article and OHMYGOSH the comments. Yikes people, the comments.
If you haven’t read it, the article was about how I much I hate mother’s day. People went ballistic. Many people boldly exclaimed that I was a horrible mother and that my kids would be better off with their father. Commentors brazenly talked about how my kids were going to be absolutely destroyed by my obvious lack of parenting skills and that I was selfish and stupid to have kids in the first place. People deemed me unworthy and unfit to have ever had children and chastised the judge for awarding me custody. I watched them on the comment thread, being egged on by the other readers and feeling even more justified by their audacious assumptions, all banding together until I could practically hear them shouting “burn the witch!”

They don’t know my story, they don’t know my history, and yet, a lot of them whittled down all that I am as a parent and a human being to just one article.

That night I climbed into bed, a weariness taking over my soul as I drifted off into a fit full and unfufilling sleep, and the next day I awoke to someone’s birthday.
I won’t name any names, but she writes this blog and her name rhymes with….well….actually…nothing. I’m not sure her name rhymes with anything now that I’m thinking about it…. anyways, that’s beside the point.
(Come on now, I know at this point you are all trying to rhyme my name. If you come up with anything, post it in the comments!)
So anyway’s, the next day, on my birthday I found myself standing in front of the mirror at the gym and sort of just looking myself up and down. “Ok kiddo, you’re 31 today. How does that feel? How do you feel? How are you doing in life?”

I looked at myself and then in the mirror’s reflection I looked at the people around me, and I realized something.
I was by far the ugliest person at the gym.
Seriously, I’m not even kidding. Like maybe not face wise, but presentation wise, yes, definitely the ugliest. Now first off, why did I not get the memo that there is apparently a now standard gym outfit for females of my age range to wear? Black spandex calf length pants, spandex racer back top in neon color, and neon pink shoes. Now to top it off, every woman had their hair nicely arranged into a cute little bun with a stretchy headband, Iphone tucked into their arm band, and damn did they all look good. I looked back at myself and pondered my reflection. Too long spandex pants that even in an XS look ridiculous on me and a shirt that I grabbed from my “gym” pile of clothing, which consists entirely of shirts that I have ruined while cleaning houses. Hair? A style that I had raked into a creation that took me two rubber bands to contain, curls popping out where ever they pleased, and my android phone precariously tucked into my waistband. As I looked around I was hit with the realization that, yes, yes, I was absolutely the ugliest person in the gym. (At least I nailed the hot pink shoes)

I suddenly felt the need to explain to the people around me, the good looking people, that this wasn’t the “real me.” That I’m usually more polished than this, that I can present myself better than this. That despite what they may see on the outside, that there was more to me than the disheveled mess that was standing before them. I wanted to tell them that I had just dropped the kids off at daycare and I was rushing to the gym so that I could squeeze in my workout before rushing home to shower and make myself the polished person that I aim to be, the person that I wish to portray to the world, before going off to work, but really, even to me, that that seemed a tad bit crazy.
I quickly did another set with the weights so that no one would realize I was having an entire life moment in my head and then I just stood there for a minute, looking at my reflection and letting the events of the past few days sink in. The nutcase neighbors, my family, XOJane, turning 31, and everything else that had been on my mind. With that, two thoughts crossed my mind;
I cannot control how others view me and I’m not here for show.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not ragging on the gym girls that I envy so much, showing up looking all perfect, sporting a workout look that is probably more pulled together than most of my dating attire, no, I just realized that I’m not them. I can’t present myself as if I have my entire life together, because I don’t, but I show up and I put in the work. It doesn’t always look as pretty and polished as the way everyone else does it, but it’s getting done. I can’t control the way that other’s view me in the process and as much as I’d like for them to have all the information relevant to the situation, that is unrealistic. I cannot control how other’s view me and if I was to wait until I could present myself as the perfect person that I want them to see me as, I’d never get to the gym.
I can’t change the way the world views me.  I cannot control what the nutcase neighbors think of me, I can’t control what my parents are going to say about me to others, and I can’t do anything about the fact that a bunch of XOJane readers read one article, out of the hundred that I have written, and decided that I was the scum of the earth. I have no say in the situation and I need to be ok with that. I need to be ok knowing that I’m living my truth. That I’m living the most authentic version of myself and if others choose to judge me based solely on what they see in a single moment of my life, I need to be ok with that.
This is who I am. I am not perfect. I don’t always have it all together and my life does not always flow along smoothly, but I show up and I put in the work for an end result that I desire. I present myself as the true and honest person that I am and if that’s not good enough for people, then so be it. I refuse to hide behind a façade of perfection that simply does not exist in my world.
People email me all the time asking what they should do when someone denies what happened to them. When someone judges them based on the lies of another, or when they want to come forward and talk about something that happened but fear no one will believe them. I tell them all the same thing; Speak your truth and even if no one is able to accept it, you have stayed true to yourself and that is the most important thing. Live your truth, stand by it, and don’t be discouraged if the world is not ready for what they hear, because moving forward is not about anyone but you. You do not have to stay stuck because the world is not ready to hear what you have to say.
So my family hates me, the nutcases aren’t leaving, half of XOJane thinks my children have already been permanently damaged, and you know what? I think I’m ok with that. I know my truth and I refuse to hide behind a false veil of perfection anymore, always skirting my truth to avoid disruption.
I’m going to show up and put in the work no matter how it makes me look in the process, because this nonprofit, my writing, my trips to the gym, my life, it isn’t about perfection. It isn’t about how it makes me look. It’s about the end result that I desire. If the world chooses to judge me based on the opinions of others and a very narrow glimpse of my life, then so be it.
Good bye year 30, hello year 31, it’s really nice after all these years to be able to ring in a year with my true authentic self. A year where for the first time, I’m not letting anyone, or anything, tell me who I am.
Ugly gym look and all, I’m here.
I’m here for the nonprofit no matter what my family rains down upon me. I’m here, in the neighborhood, no matter how many neighbors the nutcases try to turn against me. I’m writing out loud and I refuse to be silenced because people don’t like what I’m saying. If at the end of the day my family slanders me, the nutcases gossip about me, and all of Internet land condemns me to death, then so be it.
This is my truth, this is me. Functional enough to keep moving forward yet dysfunctional enough to guarantee imperfection, but it’s me. I will never be as perfect as I would like to be. It is unlikely that I will ever find myself in what I would consider the “perfect moment” to stand up and speak out. If I wait my entire life for the perfect moment when I can speak my truth and nothing bad may come of it, I will likely forever remain silenced.
Do not let your truth be silenced by hiding behind a façade of deceptive perfection. You do not need to be perfect to be important. Being believed is not a requirement of being honest. You do not need approval to be authentic. Do not back down because the world wants to silence you, rise up and break free, because only then will you learn your destiny. The world needs more people to step outside of the box. 
If you allow them to close you in, you will surely suffocate. 
Shake off the doubters, walk away from the hecklers, ignore the ones who want to pull you down. Make peace with the fact that people will judge you without all of the relevant information. There is no such thing as a perfect life. The only shame that is yours to bear, is a life left unlived and a purpose left undiscovered. Show up, even when you feel ugly, and put in the work to get the end result you desire. You are not guaranteed a perfect moment, the only thing you have is right now.
What are you waiting for?
Photo Credits

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62 Comments

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 3:15 am

    Your name is Orange?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      I actually thought about that while writing this post! I remember learning that in school. I kinda think I remember that nothing rhymes with purple too, right? Wrong? I dunno…

  • Spider - Man
    May 15, 2014 at 3:30 am

    Eden… Heathen..Eden.. Pleadin'..Eden.. Weedin'Eden.. Meetin'Yeah that's all I got. I like Eden Pleadin'. It's got a nice ring.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 2:58 pm

      Nice! I had not thought about abreviations. Very creative 😉

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 6:44 am

    Wow, are you lucky your name doesn't rhyme with anything… as I'm sure any of us who had names which DID rhyme with something (especially something bad) heard it chanted or yelled at us on the playground, for years. (Me, my unfortunate last name rhymed with fool and drool, just to name a few… Had a friend who had it worse though, theirs rhymed with cranky, skanky, hanky-panky, lanky, wanky…. as in, hey skanky come yanky my wanky, etc.)Did you ever see the Everybody Loves Raymond episode where he talked about this very thing? Basically, if children can find a rhyme (especially mean ones,) they WILL! (So if you were struggling there to think of anything, you must've really not had a name that was at all rhymable.) ?! Lucky you!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Oh the playground chants, yes, I remember those. I knew a guy who’s last name was woodcock and they called him “timberdick”

      I don’t think I saw that episode! It feels like it was so long ago that the show was on lol! Too funny though

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 6:53 am

    Eden is tweetin' about how she's feedin' her lawn that she's weedin' and then be reseedin' and then she'll be pleadin' for help with her readin' so she can keep heedin' the info she's needin' to keep on eatin' and avoid repeatin' any unpleasant meetin' with neighboring “cretins” who might start bleatin' and end up beatin' or even in bleedin' as things might be heatin' if they don't start retreatin'… (o.k., somebody else take over now…) 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      HAHAHA! Now that took some creativity! Nicely done my friend, nicely done 🙂

  • snork maiden
    May 15, 2014 at 10:01 am

    Your mother didn't want to meet and talk because you were the one suggesting it, she cannot bear to allow you any element of control in your dealings with her. I know you've heard it before, but you must keep every ugly text they send you as evidence. Ultimately they have far more to fear than you do because you have the power to completely humiliate them, not that you would, but it is a power that you have and they don't.I think you should press on with the non profit regardless of how they're going to feel about it, because they wouldn't thank you if you did as they demanded and kept your mouth shut.Have you considered abandoning your intention of meeting with your mother? It doesn't sound like she's prepared to meet you halfway. For her to accept one iota of who you really are would require her to do a hell of a lot of reflection upon who she really is, and I don't think she or anyone else in your family is capable of that.And your family doesn't hate you, because your real family is your children who love you to bits.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Oh yes, any meeting with her is now off the table! I agree with you on her reasoning as to why she didn’t want to meet. I half expected it to be honest.

      Thank you for reminding me who my real family is 🙂

  • Mary Anne
    May 15, 2014 at 12:13 pm

    As an Aussie friend of mine says ” Good on you, Mate!”!

  • Jon Snow
    May 15, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Happy belated Birthday!!!!I wouldnt worry about what your family could say or do, the backlash would be out of the world and they would be put to shame forever. Ignore your mom she is a bully and once you tell your story she will go back to the troll cave she came from.XO trolls you know the idiots tend to be the most vocal, it doesnt mean they are the half the readers just that they make the most noise. To be honest everyone has felt the same way you do at some point, taking care of a sick kid and not being able to sleep for days I wanted to jump off a bridge and whoever says otherwise is just full of shit.Did you do anything fun for your bday?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      I do worry, I try not to, but I do. I can’t control whether I worry or not, I can only choose how I react to it, and I’m making the concious choice to keep moving forward and speaking out 🙂 Hopefully that works out alright!

      I have not done anything yet, but my friends are doing something for me this weekend 🙂

  • Jon Snow
    May 15, 2014 at 12:33 pm

    Is he Jack Sparrow by any chance?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Haha!

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 12:48 pm

    YEAH EDEN! You always manage to find the positive, it's just lovely! And I consider it practically a mark of dedication to be the scruffbag at the gym. I've gone in dressed in my pjs before, when I've had nothing more appropriate to hand! Messy hair, torn t-shirts, hobo shoes…just means we're there to WORK!Happy birthday, too. You deserve a good year 31, and that's an understatement!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:00 pm

      Well thank you miss 🙂

      High five to my fellow gym ugly!

  • Evelyn/Aurora
    May 15, 2014 at 3:05 pm

    Happy birthday to you now why do your brothers and mother have your number? I believe you can block them for free or you can change your number

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      I’ve had the same number since I was 17 years old, so they still have it. I could change it, but that seems like a lot of work lol. I could block them, but I like to be able to gauge just how crazy they are getting in case they start showing up at my house!

  • Butterfly14
    May 15, 2014 at 3:20 pm

    Happy birthday!!! May this be the beginning of a new and better life for you. God bless you young lady :-)I am also the one at the gym dressed in whatever I can get my hands on…. and since I'm not there to impress anyone, I really don't give a shit what I look like. I'm actually working up a sweat – not picking up guys! Good for you. Stay strong and keep up that attitude. It will serve you well and be a great role model for your children ♥

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Thank you!!

      Yay for fellow gym uglies!

  • Bridget
    May 15, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    I don't know why people are so quick to judge especially when it comes to parenting. Why can't we all stand together as parents and understand that no matter what, parenting is tough? It drives me nuts. I'm glad you realized that those snap judgments are meaningless. I try not to let that stuff get to me but it's definitely a conscious effort sometimes.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      I also am guilty of sometimes being a judgmental parent and I also have to remind myself to think otherwise sometimes. I think its good to be aware of when we are judging so that we can use it as an opportunity to try and see a different point of view, but to scream your opinions and judgments on people via the internet, yikes, I’ll never understand those people.

  • Emmaline
    May 15, 2014 at 3:45 pm

    A few comments – On the topic of your family – based on this blog, it sounds like they have proven (time and time again) that they are hateful, awful people who will only hurt you. I absolutely understand the urge to reach out and be the bigger person. I went back to someone who abused me multiple times, so I get trying to make things work that just won't, but PLEASE change your number and never talk to them again. Seriously! Have they ever loved you properly, supported you, believed in you? Have your interactions with them ever brought you anything but pain? I know this is way easier said than done, but for the sake of your own well being, please protect yourself from those monsters. On the Mother's Day XO Jane article – I read that article in a vacuum with no other information about you and I have to admit that I felt a little judgmental. Of course, I am a deeply unsatisfied person, so I am almost always judgmental. But then I came to your blog and I read every post and every other article you've linked to here, and now that I have more information about your life I feel completely differently about the Mother's Day post. Anyone who wouldn't have the same reaction is an idiot. So please remember, when you think about the comments on that article, that those people don't know anything about you at all. NOTHING. You are awesome. Most people who have lived through similar experiences don't have successful lives. You are an amazingly wonderful exception to the rule. You rock.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:01 pm

      Haha, aw well thank you! I’m glad that my blog spoke louder than just that one XOJane article did 🙂

      I absolutely want nothing to do with my family, but I knew they were going to explode when I went public with the nonprofit, so I was hoping to be able to minimize the fallout. I guess that won’t be happening….

      I’ve thought often about changing my number, but in a way its almost good to be able to see them exploding on me for two reasons. #1 I can gauge how crazy they are becoming and be aware of the situation. #2, things like that remind me of why I want nothing to do with them and I sometimes need those reminders when I am at my lonliest 🙁

      Thank you for your sweet words and I am so happy that you have found a little place over here 🙂

  • bioblondie
    May 15, 2014 at 4:33 pm

    May I quote your last two paragraphs on my FB page? Silly question, I am sure, but I am going through a separation from my husband right now, and they deeply spoke to me. I would attribute them to you, and include a link to this specific post. Thank you for writing. Thank you for speaking out. Thank you for reminding others that it's okay for us to speak out also, regardless of how small or how large our issues are that we are silent about.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Absolutely you may! You guys are always welcome to share and quote, just make sure to link it back here or Mr. Attorney Man will get all in a tizzy. (like how I threw you under the bus there Mr. Attorney Man?)

      I wish you the best with your seperation and all the lessons that come from big changes like that. Thank you for reading and honestly, thank you for letting me know that you got something out of it. Its always kind of a guess as so if the posts will mean anything to anyone but me!

      *hugs*

  • Cat Tackett
    May 15, 2014 at 4:40 pm

    I'm so happy that you are deciding to just 100% be you and not let anyone else, your family, the nutcase neighbors, the XO Jane comments, your ex husband, hold you back! I know I've said this in the past but your writing is helping a lot of people, myself included, and I'm sure your non profit will help countless others.I can relate to this entry pretty well. My birthday is coming up in 2 weeks and this entry made me realize how much I've changed in one year and how I want to start fresh and continue what I've been doing. I'm finally starting to seek counseling for my rape and I'm no longer depending on alcohol and/or drugs to get me through everything (or just drown out the bad that I didn't want to handle). I'm going to start 26 focusing on me and me alone. I want to focus on getting healthy – both physically and mentally. I have so much more now than I did last year and this entry definitely resonated with me so thank you!!! Oh, and happy belated birthday!! PS — I'm with you on the ugliest person in the gym. I don't understand how some girls do it. I'm in guy's basketball shorts, a tank top, zero makeup, and my hair is all over the place bc it's so short.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Happy almost 26th!!

      I’m proud of you and your outlook on your new year. You deserve to be the best you that you can be, and screw everyone else 🙂

      Yay for ugly gym looks!!

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 5:21 pm

    Ok Sweden. Happy bday and a better year. Break a leg. You are supposed to look ugly at the gym. If not there then where else can you look ugly?

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:03 pm

      Sweden!! Thats a good one!

      There are becoming far less acceptable places to look ugly these days 🙁

  • Anonymous
    May 15, 2014 at 8:47 pm

    Sweden!!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Nice!!!

  • Mzfuzz
    May 15, 2014 at 10:56 pm

    I gotta agree…Sweden is the best one so far. Happy birthday, Sweden! There are still lots of places to look ugly. Haven't you spent time at http://www.thepeopleofwalmart.com??? But I hate that somehow all of a sudden “ugly” is what a person is when they're not perfectly put together. I grew up on a cattle ranch, and was often covered in dirt, grass, poop, pee, blood, guts, bugs, etc. That didn't make me ugly. Now…Well, Sweden, you know what I do now. And I'm still often covered in poop, pee, vomit, blood, and other things, and I'm still not ugly. Being ugly has nothing to do with what you wear, how you wear it, what you do with your hair, or anything. Ugly has to do with who you are. Your mother, for example, is a hideously ugly bitch. So…Do a friend a favor. Ditch the ugly talk, huh? The words we use have power….And if you're saying that word, there's a part of you that believes it applies to you. Last but not least….Sweden, you're not perfect. But you're perfect for you. You're perfect for your kids. You're perfect for all of us who come to this blog. You're perfect for all the people you've helped and will help through your non-profit. Who needs perfect, anyway? *hugs*

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 15, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      Sweden Eden, I like it, it has a nice ring to it 🙂

      Now if you just traded “guts” out for boogers or barf, you are basically describing the outfit of motherhood.

      You are never ugly my dear, you have a heart of gold that would outshine anything you are wearing any day 🙂

      You are right, perfect is overrated 😉

  • Lotus
    May 16, 2014 at 2:12 am

    Ugh, isn't that the worst part of having a family like that- they make you feel like it's YOUR fault that THEY chose to treat you poorly. Like that even makes sense?? I know that feel reaaaal well, girl. Hug it out!People can be such jerks sometimes, in general. I looked at the xoJane article, and while the comment sections on that site are basically Hateville, USA sometimes, those were some harsh things to say. Why do people think they can be so nasty? Ugh.Either way, you are a dynamite sunbeam of motherhood and strength, and you deserve every possible good thing that could ever come your way. It's easy to say “Oh, don't listen to the haterz”, but it's a million times harder to actually push that stuff out of your mind. You have a really great attitude to not let it get to you, even though sometimes it feels like it's gonna knock you over. Plus, that's a really awesome trait that you'll pass down to your babies, too! No matter what anyone says, at the end of the day, you have to be happy with yourself, and anyone who isn't happy with you needs to find something better to do with their time than expend so much energy ragging on you- you're clearly not gonna take part in that malarkey 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 16, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      ooooo, a “dynamite sunbeam of motherhood and strength” I like it! Sold! Slap that baby on a t-shirt and I’ma wear it to the gym!!!

      I hope my babies inherit my strengths and not all of the other totally insane and completely un-useful traits that I am trying to avoid passing down to them lol!

  • Anonymous
    May 16, 2014 at 2:32 am

    Well, Sweeten (it's close? lol): You are perfectly imperfect – and that is just fine. So many of us are the same, too. It is a shame the negative people must put on the appearance of having it all (together) and feel justified to slam and criticize everyone else. If their lives were so wonderful, complete and fulfilling, why in bloody hell would they be so interested in your blog and/or those of us trying to hard to rebuild our lives? Ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, (raising my hand) I think I know. They are liars – to the rest of the world and sadly (and most damaging) to themselves. They are strangers to the truth. That's ok. Some of us were there once upon a time. I hope life gives them whatever they deserve (in my kindest voice). And ugly at the gym – at least you go to the gym! hahaI broke ties with my nasty brother and sisters ten years ago. It took several years to get right with that decision. It turned out to be one of the best ones I have ever made. No contact, no drama, no helping out helpless situations. Done. Box closed, locked and dumped in the ocean. Let them drown in their own misery. You are much more kind than me. Don't let them make you cry.You have big dreams and laudable aspirations. You will (and do) help many women survive and thrive. You are perfectly imperfect and that makes you perfect for your mission. You understand and KNOW.Sweeten, HAPPY DAMN BIRTHDAY!!! Have fun with your friends!Much love and many hugs (with a birthday balloon or two) from the East Coast

  • Anonymous
    May 16, 2014 at 2:33 am

    My daughter signed onto my computer recently and I forgot. LOL I definitely do not intend to be Anonymous. Flamingos!!!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 16, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      As soon as I saw the love and hugs from the East Coast I knew it was you 🙂 <3

      Thank you for your perspectives, they are always so insightful and I love them!!

      The raising your hand part cracked me up!!

  • afairytale84
    May 16, 2014 at 1:45 pm

    Happy belated birthday!I absolutely hate when parents and other family blame you for how horribly they treated you. It's one of the worst feelings in the world and us the reason I very rarely speak to my father.People are assholes. Well, not all of them, but far too many are. And it seems like they're the loudest. I'd tell you to hold your head high and ignore them, but that's pretty much impossible. You just keep doing what you're doing – remind yourself that you can't change what they do or how you feel. All you can change is how you respond.Also, I work at a YMCA and see all these women dolled up as if they're ready for a very fancy dinner except they're in workout clothes. I usually feel a little awkward running on a treadmill next to Barbie.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 16, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      I was at the YMCA!! Haha! Maybe its a YMCA gym code??? That is too funny about Barbie. I was there today pushing myself to the limits and there was the lady LOUDLY talking on her phone while walking like .25mph on the treadmill. I just don’t get it….

      I hate it too, the people blaming you for their issues with you. Ugh! Its infuriating isn’t it?

  • Sara A.
    May 16, 2014 at 2:38 pm

    Came here to say this very thing, but way less articulately. Also, F those girls at the gym. They probably have way too much time to think about those things

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 16, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      And probably not enough brains to be actually considered “thinking…”

      Was that too mean? That was pushing the limits a little bit for me but it seemed funny so I couldn’t resist….

  • Sara A.
    May 17, 2014 at 4:44 am

    It just adds a little meanness is ok… think of it like lemon juice. You wouldn't want to drink a glass of it, but a little squirt will liven up a dinner. Under the heading of kids being weird, mine likes to eat lemons. I've been making a lot of recipes requiring lemon lately and my little weirdo has been begging me for lemon wedges to suck on.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 17, 2014 at 2:59 pm

      Too funny! I don’t know what it is about kids but I’ve seen a lot of them that will straight out eat lemons. My taste buds would explode!

  • Nathalie
    May 17, 2014 at 5:12 am

    Dude – so much said here. Absolutely love it! I try not comment at this time of night, because I'm so tired, but I will read when I can, and I'm catching up now- but I will comment tonight, because why??? Because, IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! Woohooo! Happy Birthday Dear! So many Well Wishes to You, my Lovely Lady!Belated and all, may all of your Dreams come true:)Nathaliexoxoxox

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 17, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Yay, birthday!! Thank you!!

      *hugs*

  • Anonymous
    May 17, 2014 at 7:45 am

    Happy Birthday! 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 17, 2014 at 3:06 pm

      Thank you 🙂

  • Mzfuzz
    May 17, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    I can deal with anything BUT boogers. *shudders* YUCK.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 17, 2014 at 3:04 pm

      I’ll agree, boogers are DISGUSTING, but wait until some kid barfs on your face and down your shirt. GGGGRRRROOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

  • Anonymous
    May 18, 2014 at 4:27 am

    I can't sleep tonight. A bailiff left a note in my door last week (I guess I'm behind on school taxes)..my ex found another love (it's what I wanted – and I'm happy for him) – I wake the kids up way too early to suit my work life…I think I may stressed and over tired…I so would be in bed now…but I'm not.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 18, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Well that doesn’t sound like fun 🙁

  • Lotus
    May 19, 2014 at 12:11 am

    I FORGOT TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, you wonderful and majestic big sister! If I could, as a birthday present, I'd get you a million t-shirts with that on them so you'd never even have to do laundry 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 19, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Ha! Love it!!! I love how you automatically know how much I despise doing laundry….it must be our kindred souls….

  • Lotus
    May 19, 2014 at 8:29 am

    Well it's like the old saying goes…. Once two people bond over nachos, they just get each other <3

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 19, 2014 at 3:05 pm

      Haha!!!!

  • Anonymous
    May 25, 2014 at 6:00 pm

    Buckets of fun…to top it off, I received a letter from work on Friday. They want to speak with me about my absences…great! Bring it on…bring it all on!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moSFlvxnbgkNathaliexoxoxox

    • NotMyShametoBear
      May 25, 2014 at 3:07 pm

      Oh no, well that can’t be fun 🙁 Wishing you the best!

      *hugs*

  • Anonymous
    July 11, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    Hi Eden. Michele here. I still cant remember my password to sign in so I will remain anonymous. lol I just wanted to tell you that is was your story about Mothers Day that brought me to your blog. I loved it and I love your blog! I too was a terribly abused woman too. I have so much love and respect for you. I am so happy I landed here and so I thank God for your Mother's Day story! Take Care Eden and Happy Belated Birthday! You Rock!!!!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 11, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Well it’s good to know that someone liked my Mother’s Day article! I got flamed pretty badly for that one lol.

      I’m very happy that you landed here as well 🙂 Thank you so much for being a part of this journey with me!! As much as I hate the fact that others went through what I did, it’s comforting to know that you guys are out there.

      *hugs*

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