There Was Definitely Screaming
Well fuck that shit!
“Seriously Eden,” she said. “You cannot possibly expect that all of those things will happen today.”
OH YES I CAN.
Once inside I snapped this little picture of the rubber prison shower shoes that were featured in “Things That Make You Ask Why Part 9.” This was a new thing for me, rubber prison shower shoes being sold in a big box shoe store, but I guess that’s what city folk need; detox shoes.
We have no need for things like that in my rural town, we just pack flats and hope the walk of shame home isn’t too far. I guess in the city a night out on the town includes packing your prison gear.
I then rubbed elbows with a woman who was shopping in slippers, a bathrobe, and a hair net… and thus decided that this had been quite enough city for me.
We high tailed it to the parking garage where we paid $40 and almost got out.
I say almost because the parking garage gate arm thing only went up about two feet and then fell back down, therefore trapping us inside.
In fact, the last time I was there for enjoyment purposes I must have been about 18 and I was with my brother. Not only did a homeless man ask me for money and then try to rip my purse right off of my shoulder (which started a shoving match between him and my brother), but we took the train which is an experience I have completely blocked out of my mind, before we got on a bus.
I remember the bus.
While on the bus — sitting in the first seat mind you — the entire door fell off.
Today I drove on the expressway. My dear Platonic Husband and I had plans to go to Ikea and she seized the opportunity to say “and how about you drive on the expressway?”
Not drive, ride.
So there I am, suddenly driving down the expressway for the first time ever, and really, I didn’t see what all the hype was about. This wonderful and magical pathway did not seem to be saving me any more time than when I take the back roads, so what is the point?
I questioned my friend about this and her reply was “because this is the expressway. It’s made to express (she then did a little hand motion of a car zipping down the road). We are going 30mph. Speed up or we are going to get run over.”
So I sped up a little and eventually…. WE MADE IT!!!!
I then turned to my Platonic Husband and said “I did it!! I did great!! Wait…was there screaming? I have a vague memory of screaming” to which she replied “there was definitely screaming.”
All of that though is completely irrelevant because the big news here is that I DROVE ON THE EXPRESSWAY!!
But who cares, because I did it!!