Seriously, Enough Is Enough

You guys, I am so tired. I slept ohhhh……maybe an hour last night, probably less. I had a hard time writing this post. I kept writing, deleting, crying, writing some more, deleting again, crying, and so on.
You see, I have good news; I don’t have to go to court on Monday. Yay! Right? Am I right? “Well then gee Eden, you should have slept wonderfully seeing as how you no longer have to stress out about court now, am I right?”
Yea, you would think so, but no.
I took the kids to the Movie In the Park event last night. I love going to the movie in the park. Like I’ve said before, a good chunk of the town turns out and it’s a big, free, family fun night. Last night they had great vendors and the kids got tons of free stuff. I took both of them into the free money booth. What is a free money booth you ask? Well, it’s a booth (aka enclosed box with a turbo fan) that blows money around and whatever you catch, you get to keep. Money booth = awesome, am I right?  (The kids actually did not see the fabulousness of the entire thing and simultaneously burst into atomic tears as soon as the machine turned on, which caused the operator to FREAK out, turn it off as fast as she could, and thrust piggy banks into each of my kids hands. I, on the other hand, was having a hard time stifling my laughs because hello, it’s money. We are not standing in a box of porcupines children, we are standing in a giant box filled with money. This is what dreams are made of kids). The library was also there, giving away free hardcover children’s books and the police department came and turned both of my kids into “honorary officers.” I got to relax while the park district played organized outdoor games with them. My friends had gotten there early, saved us a space, gotten pizza, raided the concession’s stand, and took care of us like they always do. My daughter was adorned head to toe in glow stick jewelry right up until the moment she bit into one and it exploded all over her face and then she was just glowing everywhere.
A perfect night, am I right?
With the exception of the money box I spent nearly the entire night choking back tears while feeling suffocated by the lump that was swelling in my throat; enveloped in a feeling of despair like a hug that I couldn’t escape from.
You see, I didn’t want to go to court. I didn’t want to go at all but it felt like the right thing to do. It felt like the right thing to do for my kids. It felt like the right thing to do for myself. It had taken me a long time to get up the courage to have Mr. Attorney Man file the paperwork and once he did, I felt at peace with the decision.
There have been a lot of things in my life that I have had no control over and that I’ve just had to accept and be ok with. I had to accept the fact that I didn’t have an idyllic childhood, because dwelling on it would have just made me an angry and bitter person. I had to accept the fact that I spent years of my life being abused and raped by my ex husband. On top of that, I had to accept the fact that I will never really know where he went, never truly understand why he left; never have details to the questions my kids will ask. 
It took a lot to be ok with all of that. It took a lot to get to the point where I realized that the future that I wanted was more important than the baggage that I was carrying around. That in order to reach the destination that I was aiming for, that I needed to set down some of my overloaded luggage so that I could keep moving. So I did. I set down the bitterness, the anger, the shame, the maddening curiosity surrounding my ex’s second life, and I left it all behind. I set down the majority of my past and I walked away from it. Sure, I’m still wearing a backpack filled with trust issues and fear that I’d like to ditch by the roadside sometime soon, but for the most part I’ve been moving along in the healing process at a pretty good pace.
You guys, I can’t shake it. It’s been clawing away at my soul for some time now.
I don’t know how to move past this. I’m completely stuck. I’ve been overwhelmed lately by the feeling of suffocation. Like my soul is screaming from inside, desperately trying to get out, pleading for someone to hear me, but the only thing that I hear is the sound echoing inside of my own heart.
I got raped, I went to the police, no one did a damn fucking thing about it, and my ex is happily living his life.
I don’t know how to move past that. I left the marriage, I deserve to be free of the abuse.
It’s not anger that is holding me back surprisingly. It’s the fallout that it has caused in my life. It’s the feeling of being scared to walk to my car. It’s knowing that one minute you can be on the phone and the next minute you have completely lost control of your life. Its knowing that I can’t protect myself. It’s knowing that after the latest incident that he still controls an element of my life and that I can’t escape it. It’s knowing that I left the marriage but I haven’t escaped the abuse.
It is the very real truth that because of him, at any moment I may not be in control of my own life.
So I guess when it really comes down to it, it isn’t the rape that I can’t get over, it’s just the most painful example in the fact that he still has me under his thumb. I am so desperately trying to rebuild the ruins of a shattered life and yet here he is, throwing rocks at my very fragile house.
I’m tired of it. I’m tired of him. I’m tired of seeing things always work out for him while the kids and I struggle so hard. Decide to hit your wife? Sure, go for it, no one will care. Decide that you don’t want to be a father anymore? Sure, just walk out the door and never look back. Decide to have your wife raped? Sure, the police aren’t going to do anything about it anyways. Shake your baby? No problem, your wife will dedicate her life to healing him while you just go about your merry way. Decide to stalk her for a few months because it’s all fun and games? Absolutely, go for it, you’ll never be prosecuted anyways.
When is enough, enough?
When will I ever be in control of my life without constantly being in damage control mode from his actions?
I’m tired of looking at my body in the shower and knowing what someone has done to it. I’m tired of knowing that I got raped because I chose to pursue him for child support in the past. I’m tired of knowing that my life seems to be a revolving series of healing from things that I have had no control over; child abuse, spousal abuse, rape, abandonment, etc.
It sometimes feels like my entire life has been one continuous free fall and every time I think I’ve finally landed, the earth dissolves beneath my feet again. I need to gain some element of control in my life when it comes to my ex.
Enough is enough.
He owes me money, quite a bit of it actually in unpaid child support related items. I decided that enough was enough, I refuse to let him walk all over me anymore. I was tired of saying no to my children because their dad didn’t want to be their dad anymore and I was left alone to provide for all of us. This has just been the latest example in how his failure continues to weigh on my shoulders. 
So I had Mr. Attorney Man draw up the paperwork and set a court date. I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want to go, but I needed this. I needed to know that I wasn’t backing down this time. That after all he put me through the last time I pursued child support, that I still wasn’t going to back down.
I need to not let him have the final word and that is so unlike me, because normally I don’t care what anyone else thinks of me, but this, this I needed.
I needed him to see that after nearly a decade of abuse, that I was still standing. 
Then low and behold my ex calls Mr. Attorney Man and in between claiming to be poor and broke himself, he basically spews a bunch of lies that he would bring up in court. He also said quite a few things that infuriated me, particularly that I should work harder to provide for my kids and that he just wants to be left alone. Basically, when I thought he wouldn’t even show up to court, it now appears that it could be a little bit more of a struggle. 
My ex hit his children and over my dead body will he ever see them again, but I refuse to let him pretend as if they don’t exist. I work my ass off every day to make sure that those kids have everything that they need and he thinks he can just pretend that they don’t exist? You don’t get to abuse your wife for years and then move on to the next one. You don’t get to rape someone and pretend it never happened. You don’t get to throw away children because they no longer serve your purpose.
You don’t get to shatter people’s lives and then get upset when things inconvenience you.
After talking with my ex, Mr. Attorney Man told me that for now we will have the case continued. He then presented me with a few options as to how we can handle this, one including a five year payment plan paying $100 dollars a month towards his debt. FIVE YEARS. You’re kids are not a car dude, you don’t get to finance them. I’m not a bank and I didn’t agree to give you a loan.
Mr. Attorney Man gave me some logical advice, all of which I promptly (and probably stupidly) ignored, and then we got off the phone. He has my best financial interests in mind and I understand that, it is what I pay him to do, but he can’t possibly understand how much deeper this runs.
If I choose to take this to court, at this point it could go either way. The county that I live in has a reputation for ignoring what any other county would consider iron clad proof. To add to that, my ex lies and cries on command and his current “reportable” work status, or lack thereof, could bite me in the ass in court.  
I could agree to an arrangement with him and have some sort of guarantee that eventually I will be paid or I could take him to court and risk walking away with nothing at all.
Yet despite the lack of guarantee, my gut says to go for it, go to court. It isn’t about the money. Providing the best for my kids isn’t always about being able to provide for them financially. They need a healthy mother. They need a good example of self respect. My daughter needs to see that it is not ok for a man to walk all over you. My son deserves to be acknowledged by the father that shook him.
I refuse to make my children hide in a corner for the rest of their childhood because “daddy doesn’t want to be bothered.”
None of us deserve to be swept under the rug with a ridiculous five year payment plan and walked all over, under his feet where the dirt lies, because he can’t be bothered to look us in the face.
I don’t want to settle.
I need this. I need him to see that I am stronger than him. That despite what he throws at me, that I’m not just going to fade away into the background because he has decided that he is done with our family. I spent eight years of marriage hiding from him. I need to know that I didn’t take every punch, every hit, every rape, for years and years just to give up and agree to be tossed out like trash.
I need the final piece of my self respect back and unfortunately, he has it because I let him steal it from me.
I want him to see that I won’t stop fighting. I want to pick my sorry ass up off the ground and show him that I am still standing. I want to be able to tell my kids that I fought for them.
There is a distinctive difference between surrendering to accept a life situation for what it was knowing that the rest of your life is worth more than being hindered by it; and being stuck in a situation that you can’t get out of.
I accept my past for what it was; ugly. I accept it and I’m choosing to move past it because I know that the rest of my life is so infinitely important that if I keep looking backwards, I will never be able look forward enough to walk towards my beautiful destination.
What I will not accept is the fact that I am still stuck in an abusive situation. That I will not accept and that I need to get out of.
But what if I go to court and I lose?

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  • Anonymous
    June 28, 2014 at 10:14 pm

    What you are describing is closure; you need a feeling of closure. Legal procedures are good for this… as long as they work out in your favor, and they feel decisive enough. You probably already know that you could end up losing, or end up with an unsatisfactory decision, so you have that big risk in front of you. I agree, the hardest part of recovering from abuse is no one acknowledging that you suffered. But closure is sometimes very hard to come by; you know perpetrators son't want to admit to wrongdoing, much less compensate you for it. I know that in the biggest injustice that has happened in my life, I never got closure, and I also had to decide that my future was worth more than what was bogging me down. You probably think about your ex and see his face all the time when you don't want to. You want something substantial to sever his connection to you. I'm sorry I don't have a cure. But something I wonder is why he bothers harassing you, if it's indeed true that he has a new happy life with another woman. I don't think he does. Your hostile attitude towards him is absolutely justified, but that is probably why he continues being belligerent. Maybe if you suggested (but didn't really mean) that you didn't fault him at all and just wanted information for the sake of your children, he would talk to you or your lawyer. Sometimes only these tricks work. Seeming reading to prosecute or angry usually makes them more defensive and spiteful. Sending you my sympathy <3

  • Mzfuzz
    June 28, 2014 at 10:45 pm

    Well fuck. I just wrote a huge long awesome paragraph, and lost it all. *sigh* I'll give you the cliff notes version.Life isn't fair, and shitty people get to do shitty things with impunity, which SUCKS. You can't influence his actions, only how you respond to them. You must have faith that you have the strength and the tools and the assets to deal with whatever he throws at you. Above all, you must follow where your heart leads. I spent 5 years violating all of my moral, ethical, spiritual, and inter-personal boundaries for my ex, and I. Will. Not. Do. It. Even. One. More. Day. You may not get the outcome you want by following your heart, but you will find whatever it is that you need. Your heart will never lead you wrong, if you just listen to it. In my divorce, I did all kinds of things that didn't make legal or financial sense. I don't care. I needed to do things a certain way to feel ok about myself. Do what you feel, Eden! *hugs*

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Oooo. I hate it when that happens!!

      You should write self help books or something. That’s a lot of good advice girly!

      I agree, I think I just need to do what feels the most “right” in my heart.


  • chrissi
    June 28, 2014 at 10:51 pm

    I think you need to go for it in court. Knowing you from what I've read, if you lose, you will pick yourself up, find the lesson in it, and move on.If you settle I think it will eat at you forever, one more time you didn't stand up for yourself.Of course none of that will happen because Mr. attorney man will win this for you!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Ha, I will let Mr. Attorney Man know of your confidence in him 🙂

      Thank you also for your confidence in me 🙂


  • Anonymous
    June 28, 2014 at 11:20 pm

    I agree with the above poster, you need closure Eden. You had closure when you disconnected yourself from your family. You had a form of closure when you took the route you did with the crazy ass neighbors. You had closure to your marriage and you were heard when you got the restraining order. But the rape that came after that? The fact that he is as you say “continuing to throw his kids away,” that is a VERY REAL ONGOING TRAUMA. No one has heard you. Your police have thrown you to the wolves. Your state is not backing you up. You have been completely alone in this and you are feeling the need for you and your children to be acknowledged. THAT IS SO NORMAL. Its also good. Its so good Eden! It means that you are not the same meek abused wife, it means that you have learned that it is NOT OK to be treated that way!! All the healing you have done, it is paying off!! Look at you! I'm so proud of you Eden.I say go to court. Even if you lose, you lost because of a judge, not because you rolled over and gave up.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I think he sticks around because he can’t fathom losing control. I really think that he thought he would leave and that I would just curl up and die; not that I would thrive and come after him. I think it is infuriating to him to know that I know, that I am better off without him. We have zero communication contact now, in fact any communication we have is one way on his behalf of the stalking, but several months after he initially left we had a few conversations where I told him how much his daughter was struggling, how upset she was, and that she needed and deserved to have some closure. He would cry, but refused to talk to her on the phone, wouldn’t write her a letter like I asked. She just needed a good-bye. She was three and kept saying “but he never even said good-bye to me.” She struggled for a long time because she thought everyone would leave and never come back. I had to take her to counseling. He knew that, he didn’t even care. 🙁

      You are right, I do need closure. Also very much in agreement with the other responder, I did have a sort of closure with my family, I had a closure with my past when I got divorced, I even had some more closure when I admitted to the abuse in the order of protection hearing, but yes, everything that has happened since that, the rape in October, it is ongoing. 🙁

      Ugh so much to think about!!

      Thank you guys for caring. It really means the world to me 🙂

  • Anonymous
    June 29, 2014 at 2:45 am

    You just need to know that men like him never accept or admit fault or blame. Nothing is ever their fault, it is all always you. (Or something, anything, everything, the whole world around them, you name it, but it is never them.)When they blame you, they claim (and possibly even believe) it is you that “made” them behave like that. (The fact that they continue to behave exactly the same with or without you they choose to ignore.)So you may have closure by finally taking action, but you'll never get any sort of satisfaction of besting him by doing it, because he will not recognize or admit it in any way shape or form, no matter what.So don't expect any acknowledgment of his role in the situation from him. He is just living his life peacefully and this horrible madwoman is bizarrely causing problems for him. He will cling to that story despite it being a total lie. (Depending on his pathology he will either totally know he's a complete liar and do it anyway because he is a calculating scum, or he will actually believe his own delusions and completely think that it is all you and he couldn't be expected to behave any way other than he has and that he has done nothing wrong. A real Peter Pan pity party.)Either way, you have a 50-50 chance of getting screwed over in court… whenever you get a he says/she says situation it's never easy to sort out, and many judges just decide it's everybody's fault, because to an outsider it may be hard to tell from the testimony presented.If you do go through with it, be very specific and organized and list actual incidents and dates and actions (stay away from general accusations, no matter how true. Saying “he never…” or, “he always…”, is just dooming yourself to failure.)Especially you can't accuse him of not caring about his kids, no matter how true, because this makes most judges decide you're hysterical and emotional, as MOST men DO care, so it's hard for them to believe they are actually laying eyes on the small percentage who really DON'T.So it just leaves them open to believing (swallowing!) his B.S. about why he “can't” pay (poor me poor me whine whine hand wring worry worry etc.,) and they think you are coldly equating child support with love or caring (makes YOU look bad, unfortunately.) YOU know he doesn't care and it has nothing to do with paying or not (but you won't be able to convince the court.)So stick with specifics and list actual incidents, actions, concerns (violating restraining orders, not paying x amount from x date to x date, etc.) You can mention the window as “coincidentally” taking place immediately following the filing of the docs, but will have to admit you have no proof it was him, only the timing and that nobody else has a reason (and even so, it will be hard for a judge to believe a man would shoot his child's window, or a house when his children are in it.)Does this loser have a family of any sort? (Are they as bad as yours?) If he is estranged from them too, for similar behavior, it would be helpful to have that documented (seriously, if his own family feels similarly towards him, that would help your case a lot.) !!!Whatever you decide, do remember to include your head along with your heart, when you make your choice. It's great to follow your heart, but sometimes it can get you in a dangerous situation. (And sometimes your head makes a decision your heart can't accept, and that is very stressful for your body. So ideally, you need to come to an agreement between reason and emotion, and satisfy both head and heart when you take action.)Good luck, it's just too bad something couldn't simply happen to him (people like him must antagonize others besides you, right? Hopefully he gets on the wrong side of some seriously difficult people, which due to his habits is bound to happen eventually…) ??!!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Yes, I agree wholeheartedly on your views(FACTS) of men like him. Nothing is ever his fault, thus comes his feeling of having no responsibility to anyone but himself. After seeing how callously he walked away from a devestated child, I know that nothing I say or do will make him feel the way I’d like him to feel.

      Going to court is more about me knowing that I stood up for me. I think I need to know that I didn’t limp away like the wounded dog he views me as.

      I agree, facts are facts in court. What I do have going for me is the fact that he waived his visitation rights and flat out refused to follow through on some state required things that you have to do in order to see your children after a divorce. He actually told the judge that the kids
      “weren’t worth his time.” The judge looked like his head was going to explode and he had a few very choice words and phrases for my ex, so even though I don’t think Mr. Attorney Man would flat out accuse him of not caring about his kids, the evidence is there. Makes me happy and sad….

      He does have a family. After he left he stole money from him and as far as I know, he is no longer in contact with him. Unfortunately he is the way he is because of the way his family raised him and therefore I am not in contact with his family either.

      I’m hoping between my heart and Mr. Attorney Man’s brain everything will work out for the best 🙂

      Thank you, all of you, as always, for being the conciousness that I sometimes lack. 🙂

      I cherish you all!


  • Anonymous
    June 29, 2014 at 3:35 am

    That money booth sounds awesome :)No matter what happens, you ARE in control and you ARE your own person. Your ex and the man who he sent to rape you never owned you. You have always been a separate entity and your experiences are your own. I don't know much about your ex, but how can he be so unfeeling and cruel? If he knew how much you and your kids suffered, maybe he would show remorse. (Your kids are the sweetest!) You need him to apologize or at least acknowledge the situation he has put you in so you can shed the matter of him aside. Is there some way to get him to acknowledge that he sent the rapist after you and/or shot your house? After hearing that, even if it isn't the money that he owes you, would make you feel a lot better. About the five-year-plan, it is offensive but I think if that is the only option, the only way to get money from him, then you should take it. You need money and this way he IS obligated to you in some way, while you aren't to him. If you go to court, like you mentioned once, you could end up paying him or God forbid lose your kids. I feel the urgency of your situation and I can only say, you have all these people reading your blog who are witnesses to your truth, and the blog itself as a record of your thoughts and experiences. If it is difficult for you to say what you want to in court, is it possible to bring something typed or show them this blog? No one would doubt its authenticity.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a remorseful bone in his body. He was never one of those “I hit you and Im sorry I’ll never do it again please forgive me” men, it was always more like “i hit you and don’t make me do it again.” He is also the kind of guy that lies just to lie. He will lie about the color of the sky, I can’t see him admitting anything anytime soon. The closest I ever got was when he didn’t argue against me when I said he was abusive in the order of protection hearing.

      I wouldn’t lose my kids because it is a child support hearing, not a custody hearing 🙂

      Thank you though for all of your suggestions, you have given me a lot to think about!! I’m a bumbling idiot in court, thankfully I’ve hired someone good who is much more eloquent than I 🙂

  • Anonymous
    June 29, 2014 at 4:36 am

    I know you trust Mr attorney, but you have to remember that he can't even remotely understand what you went through. I bet if someone had grabbed his dick, humiliated him, and then I don't know, burnt his house down like he ruined your life, he would be a little less appt to agree to a payment plan with that person. Unfortunately most men will never understand what it's like to be at the mercy of another person and thus they make decisions more business like without the understanding of the far reaching emotional damage that will be implicated.I don't have any advice, you need to do whatever sits best with your heart, just know that we all support you!!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 29, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Thank you for your support, it is much appreciated 🙂 In Mr. Attorney Man’s defense I think he did tell my ex that the 5 year payment plan was stupid and he definitely didn’t try to push me into anything, it’s just his job to lay out the options and unfortunately for me, he isn’t a therapist, he is a business man.

      Now if he could just go back to school and get a counseling degree, well that would just be a dynamic combo….

  • Sara A.
    June 30, 2014 at 3:45 am

    Watch this, I think it will make you feel better or braver or more at-peace:'s an excerpt from an interview Marie Sendak (Where the Wild Things Are) did about childhood, abuse and inner strength. Even if you don't win, you'll still have stood up for yourself. Go in there and give him hell.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 30, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      That is really neat, thanks for sharing!!!

      I do believe I like that woman 🙂

  • Jennifer Holter
    June 30, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    I know everyone is saying go for it but I have a slightly different opinion. I think you should bide your time for maximum impact. While we all want instant gratification sometimes it is best to hang back and wait for the timing to be just right and make a stronger statement.Just my opinion. You gotta do what will help you sleep at night. Good luck lady. My thoughts and prayer are with you.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      June 30, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      What do you mean my dear? Like what should I be waiting for? He owes me quiiiiiiite a bit of money, so it seemed like a good time to go after him.

      help explain?


  • Jennifer Holter
    July 1, 2014 at 4:17 am

    I guess I just mean when tou know for sure (or as sure as anyone can ever be) that you will get what you want out of the deal. Just taking him to court isn't the ultimate goal. You wanna make sure you win and screw his nuts to the wall. I would say laugh at his ass while your walking out of court too but that might push him completely over the edge. I doubt he will eber have a real job but (sorry to sound so tacky) does he have a relative who is about to leave him some money? Any money at all? Or something like that? Make more sense? 🙂

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 1, 2014 at 4:18 am

    Sorry for the typos again. This phone keyboard is soooo tiny.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 1, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      Ah, ok, I get it now 🙂 Yes, I agree and I think that time had come 🙂 I had a number in my mind of what I would let his debt accure to until I did something about it and we had reached that number!!

      He does not have any family that I am aware of him being in contact with. He has money himself, it’s just that drug dealers tend not to report their earnings lol….

  • afairytale84
    July 1, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    I don't know that I can add anything that hasn't already been said.I'm rooting for you over here in Pennsylvania, and sending you lots of virtual hugs and good thoughts. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 1, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      You now what, even just knowing that you are all here, whether you add something or not, is lovely 🙂


  • Jennifer Holter
    July 1, 2014 at 4:05 pm

    I am sure Mr Attorney Man already thought of this but have tou guys done an asset search on him? I would guess that even drug dealers have to keep their money somewhere besides under the mattress or coffee cans in the yard.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 1, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      He has nothing. No property or rental property in his name, no bank accounts, no phone in his name, no car, his social security number is ONLY tied to a small part time job.

  • Anonymous
    July 1, 2014 at 4:47 pm

    I know it's hard to talk to a man, who is probably a little bit emotionally dead inside like most men are, but just make sure that you are telling him the important things. He seems to have taken very good care of you so far and you did say that you trust him, so just make sure that you continue to trust that he has your best interests at heart. Sometimes we get so caught up in emotions that we need a trustworthy outsider to sort of help you filter through it all

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 2, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Who are you talking about, Mr. Attorney Man?

  • Jennifer Holter
    July 1, 2014 at 7:24 pm

    Well, I guess that makes it as good a time as any to go after him. I wish you didn't have to go thru this. I especially wish the kiddos didn't have to deal with this. I have been in their position and it just stinks. But all the other wonderful people you bring into their lives will help pick up the slack. Maybe karma will smile on you and you will get the same judge you had during your divorce. The one that he announced that his kids weren't worth his time too. I am sure he would have an easier time seeing your side of things. Again, good luck lady! I have faith that one way or another things will work out. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 1, 2014 at 2:26 pm

      I try to shelter them from it as much as I can and while I think I’m doing a good job hiding it from them, you never really know how much they are absorbing 🙁

      Ha! Maybe on the judge! The judge was actually HORRIBLE the entire time, he actually threw something at Mr. Attorney Man! But I guess he doesn’t like deadbeat dads so that is great!

      thank you 🙂

  • Sara A.
    July 2, 2014 at 12:10 am


  • Anonymous
    July 2, 2014 at 2:17 pm

    Yes sorry! Mr attroney man. You said you trust him, so trust him. Let him filter out some of the things you cant process. you said he has always done right by you, so don't let fear hold you back now!!I was just saying that I know its hard to talk to a man, especially one who an upthread commenter had said unless he has had his dick grabbed and life burnt down by someone he cant really understand the emotional parts of just settling (i think if you put any guy in that situation %95 percent not want to “work out a deal” with that person, but us girls, oh no, “just think logically”) but maybe what you need IS some logical right now.

  • Anonymous
    July 2, 2014 at 2:46 pm

    Eden, I am an avid reader of yours but I rarely comment. My heart just breaks for everything you are going through. I know that I don't know you, but you and your kids are on my mind quite a bit throughout the day.I wish that I had had a Mr. Attorney Man when I was going through my divorce and I am so greatful that you have him. I see how many people are telling you to talk to Mr. Attorney Man and tell him everything and to trust what he tells you and while I agree, I just want to make sure that he is listening to you to. Sometimes attorny's just charge right into the legal side and I just want to make sure that you are feeling heard. The theme that I see running through most of these blogs is that no one is listening to you when it comes to your ex. no one is listening that you got raped and are still hurting.please just make sure that you are feeling HEARD and yes, trust him, but make sure he HEARS what you are telling him. I dont want his probably sound legal advice to overtake emotions that need to be heard. A bad legal choice can have reprucussions but an unheard rape can cause lifelong devestation.

  • Lotus
    July 4, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    Unfortunately, I don't know much about the legal side of things- I just know how nasty divorce can be and how hard it is to get money out of someone who doesn't want to pay. However, if you can, I wouldn't let off ex's ass for a single second. If he won't give you peace/closure/all the money he owes you, he deserves no respite. As long as you'll still be safe, that is. Nothing is as important as your family's health and safety. But I just have a feeling that if you keep pursuing him for stuff like this, he'll eventually crack and reveal his true nature, getting him put in jail or at least noticed by the authorities, or he'll have to pay just to get you off his back, and by then maybe he'll finally be tired of all this and be ready to pay and be gone.Whatever happens, I hope you're safe, happy, and healthy. If I could, I'd buy you guys a year's supply of delicious nachos! Hugs 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      July 5, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Yay nachos!!! That would be pretty awesome 🙂

      I’m thinking he will either crack or split completely. I just hope the “cracking” doesn’t involve danger….. but at the same time I’m not about to be walked on for the next 15 years.


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