When Telling Your “Boyfriend” To Take Another Girl Out Backfires

So, my dating life. It’s weird, I’ll admit it.

The Detective Whose Name I Do Not Like and I have been seeing each other for….six months ish (?) and it’s been going really well. Part of why it has been going well is the fact that we aren’t exclusive.


I know, I know, simmer down people, simmer down. My friends don’t get it AT ALL and to be honest, I don’t really care. This, whatever this is right now, my dating situation, it’s working for me. It is what it is, nothing more, nothing less, and that’s the simplicity of it.

Besides The Detective I am casually seeing someone else as well. The Detective is kind of my go-to guy, but at this point I’m not really sure that he is “the one.” We are definitely more than casual and I would say that we are some kind of something, but I’m not really interested in totally committing myself to him right now. Because of that I’ve encouraged him to continue to see other people too, which he is.

I know, I know, “Eden, how can you be ok investing yourself and messing around with some dude and then have him take another girl out to dinner the next night?”

I dunno, I just am.

It truly, truly, does not bother me.

I’m at the point where, if the opportunity presents itself, I would eventually like to be in a monogamous long term relationship, but I’m just not sure yet if The Detective is the one I want to be monogamous with. I really, really, like him, I just don’t know if I want to like him for an extended period of time yet. I’m not looking to openly date and then jump into a marriage or anything, I just don’t feel it necessary to rush any monogomous commitments right now. Since that’s the case, it’s really not fair for me to require monogamy from him if I’m not willing to offer the same and so open dating it is. If he meets someone else that he likes more than me in the meantime, well, I would honestly be really happy for him and I would move on to finding someone that is a better fit for me.

So here I am, dating Mr. Detective Man and another guy, which I will admit, is working out fabulously for me.

For The Detective? Apparently not so much.
Want to hear a really awful, funny, strange, ironic story?

Last weekend The Detective went boating with some friends. When he got there he realized that there was a girl there that he had taken on a date two weeks prior. My understanding of the situation was that they went out, he didn’t really feel a connection, she asked him out again, and he was honest with her about his feelings and suggested that they just be friends.

So The Detective finds himself at this group boating party with the girl that he had gone out with once before and then never again. The situation was rather awkward, the two of them being trapped on a boat together; her most likely feeling a little embarrassed and him feeling like a schmuck.

Apparently this girl was bisexual and also into the open lifestyle. The Detective only found this out when he saw her making out with her girlfriend in the water. The other people on the boat filled him in that she was bisexual and her girlfriend was a lesbian. The story goes that the lesbian girlfriend was giving the bisexual girlfriend the opportunity to date a man outside of their relationship so that she could “meet all her needs.” I’m not judging, that was just an added little twist that he was not expecting.

That though, was not nearly as unexpected as what happened next. The bisexual girl at one point more or less cornered him near the back of the boat and demanded to know why he didn’t want to take her out again. Trying to be cordial, he kept telling her that he just didn’t feel a connection and thought that they would be better off as friends.

She wasn’t buying it, burst into tears, and retreated to the arms of her girlfriend.

Finally the boat docked and The Detective was able to get away from that horribly awkward situation. He found himself standing in the parking lot, facing his car, and listening to a voicemail from me when someone tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned around and WHACK the lesbian girlfriend of the bisexual girl he went out with punched him right in the nose.



She broke his nose and gave him a black eye that rivals the one I had after my surgery.

The Detective finds himself standing there, bleeding all over, and the lesbian girlfriend is screaming at him that “you made my girlfriend cry!! No one makes my girlfriend cry and gets away with it!!”

Obviously he can’t hit her because she is a girl, so he jumps in his car and speeds away. Now I know this sounds crazy, I didn’t believe it either, so naturally I sneakily verified this story with his friends.

Mr. Detective Man ends up showing up at my house so that I can help him fix his broken face.

There I find myself, tending to the broken nose of someone involved in a domestic dispute, just like I have helped countless women before, except that this time it is the nose of my kind of – but not really – boyfriend who got punched in the face by the lesbian girlfriend of the bisexual that he went out with after I encouraged him to see other women, which my friends think is cheating on me.

Because that’s normal……

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  • Mzfuzz
    October 5, 2014 at 2:31 am

    ROFL Oh, Eden. I would have expected no less from you. How on EARTH do things get so complicated around you????????I feel bad for Mr. Detective. It's not like he can explain at work what happened. He'd be laughed out of the office. What's his cover story??? A bar room brawl? Accident with a hammer?Clearly, you're some sort of menace. You must be stopped!!! *shakes fist* 😉

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 4, 2014 at 9:55 pm

      Oh gosh, you should have seen him. I was like “CALL THE POLICE” and he was all “I AM THE POLICE! What am I going to tell them? That the girlfriend of a girl I went out with beat me up? I’ll never live it down!” I offered to tell them that I accidentally hit him in the face with a bat but he declined.

  • Mzfuzz
    October 5, 2014 at 1:04 pm

    Yeah….There's absolutely no way he can tell any portion of that story unless he wants to be known as “The Detective Who Got His Ass Kicked By An Angry Lesbian.” The bat story is ok, but he needs something SUPER manly. Like he was rescuing you from a gorilla that escaped from the zoo….Poor guy. lol

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 5, 2014 at 8:44 pm

      I offered to start a bar fight and let him jump in to defend my honor. Not sure why he declined as anyone who knows me would have found that to be a very believable story….

  • Evelyn
    October 5, 2014 at 10:01 pm

    I have to say, it is a little funny 😀

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 6, 2014 at 8:40 am

      I didn’t think it was funny at first, I was pretty upset, but later he was laughing and so then I was able to find the humor in it as well, seeing as how STRANGE the whole thing was!

  • Koro
    October 6, 2014 at 2:31 am

    That sounds like a shitty situation. I feel bad for the guy lol.I have a fwb that I'm exclusive with and my sister can't understand that. He is a great guy to hang out with, we have a lot in common, great at cuddling, but I am in no way interested in an actual relationship with him. And he isn't interested either. We're happy being friends. It's nice to have someone there emotionally but with no commitment. So, I get it. I probably wouldn't be able to do the not exclusive part, but that's a personal thing.I'm happy it's working out for you and I hope it continues to work out. :)Btw, have you ever read, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman? I know it sounds kinda hokey, but I read the book after I got out of my relationship with the ex-fiance and it really helped me out. If you get a chance (and the mula, though the local library might have it), you should check it out. It may not be for you, but it's changed my life and helped me out a bunch, so I pretty much recommend it to everyone.

  • Anonymous
    October 6, 2014 at 2:50 am

    I'm proud of you for being your own person! who cares what your friends think? I do think you'll end up in monogamy, but I think right now you've had your heart so broken that you can't give it to one person to break again. By only giving little pieces of it to different people, you've got a built in self preservation system. Take your time 🙂

  • Steven Theiss
    October 6, 2014 at 4:19 am

    Well, at least if you DO end up together for the long term, this will make a great story to laugh over as the years go by! And it will make great fodder for any Truth-or-Dare games at his 30th high school reunion!Not that I would know anything at all about things like that…

  • afairytale84
    October 6, 2014 at 6:27 pm

    Go you for being who you are! I'm all for open relationships. As long as everyone is in agreement, who the heck cares?Poor guy though. Definitely no way he can tell his coworkers he was beat up by the lesbian girlfriend of the girl he went out on a date with. Cover story, cover story, oh were are you, cover story?

  • mariana
    October 6, 2014 at 8:32 pm

    Ok, so am I the only one bothered to see a police officer assaulted and the aggressor getting away with it? What would have happened if the aggressor had been a black male? Or if the police officer a female? I feel sorry for your friend. He was assaulted and social customs kept him from having his case taken seriously or his agressor from facing justice. In my book that is not funny at all.

  • Anonymous
    October 6, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    I don't think Eden was saying that it was funny, it seemed more like she was just saying she couldn't believe that happened

  • SouthernQuilter
    October 7, 2014 at 6:34 am

    “so a bat got in the house and i was on a chair with a broom trying to swat at it and i missed and fell down, hitting the chair, the table and near impaling myself on the broom. the upside is that the bat is dead. i'm pretty sure he died of laughter.”

  • Koro
    October 9, 2014 at 10:06 pm

    Lol probably “physical touch”. My ex said the same thing and I was like, “No, you just like to have sex”. -rolls eyes-*hugs*

  • Lotus
    October 16, 2014 at 12:59 am

    This guy sounds like just as much of a mischief maker as you are… I like him! haha 🙂 It's nice that he respects the boundaries you have on relationships/commitments right now. You sound like you're in a healthy place in that respect, and that's so great, girl! I hope things continue to go well with you and The Detective, he sounds nice 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 15, 2014 at 8:01 pm

      Haha!! Aw thanks 🙂 I am definitely enjoying my time with him!

  • Jim F
    December 11, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    I have to say Eden that you are exposed to a vast spectrum of the humankind …. Really But you want to know my fav part of your story? It was by far the picture of yourself portrayed by your finger! It so cracked me up!!!!! LMAO!!!! LOVE it!!!

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