Part Three Of The Threatening Female Friend (And All The Hateful Stuff She Said About Me To The Guy I’m Dating)
She ranted and raved that “obviously Eden is a mental case if she doesn’t want you talking to me,” and went off on a tangent about how I must be some kind of psycho. She repeatedly stated that if “Eden were a secure human being, she would have absolutely no problem with you sharing your relationship details with me.” She continued on to say that I’m clearly abusive, and that I had brainwashed him into cutting her off as his friend.
It ended with her telling him how disgusted she was that he would put his relationship with me before his relationship with her, and told him that for his own sake he needed to break up with me immediately.
Many of the emails were mostly in caps, full of more swearing than I care to rewrite, and they came one after another, after another.
Ironically this blog is what came to mind when I told him what I was thinking.
Then, keeping with the blog theme, I went on to tell him something that we have talked about on this blog before. “If you need closure, I can respect that. I’ll respect however it is that you want to handle this, but if you’re looking for me to tell you what to do, the only thing I can do is to give you the same advice that I give to my readers when we talk about disowning family. If you are really prepared to end your relationship with her, take one last opportunity to say what you need to say. Do it calmly and with respect, but be prepared that she might not be in a position to actually understand the message that you are trying to convey. Say it because you need to say it, and understand that there is a good chance she won’t hear you. You cannot control her response, and you cannot turn it into a battle where you continue to fight back and forth. Give it one last shot so that when you look back at how things ended, you can find peace in knowing that you did what you needed to do, and you left the rest up to her. Then, when you walk away, you can do it with your head held high; not because you have won a fight over her, but because you know that you did what you could, and it was time to move on.”
As I kept reading his email (and am actually re-reading it as I type this), I chuckled a little because I saw a few things written in there that I know we had talked about previously, and it made me feel good that he had really processed our conversation. He confessed, “you two [her and her husband] are always fighting and you drag everyone around you into your relationship, and if I don’t want to end up like that, then I need to do things differently. I can’t sit around and claim that what we are doing is healthy for our partners, when the proof is in your failing marriage and how often you turn to me about the issues you are having, instead of turning to him to work things out. I can’t have a healthy relationship with Eden if I’m in the middle of yours, because I need to focus on protecting what Eden and I are trying to build. I didn’t want to make a choice. I asked you for some time to figure things out, and you wouldn’t give that to me, so if you are drawing a line, then I’m standing on the side that has Eden.”
I was truly prepared to walk away, but I didn’t, and he didn’t, and so here we are. What this will turn into, I still couldn’t say (and I still don’t call him my boyfriend), but whatever we are, we both know the position that we hold.