Six Years Later, Perjury Caught Up With Him (Part One)
February 7, 2018
Four years since I started this blog, 387 posts later, and almost exactly six years since my ex abandoned me and the kids, I finally get to write this post.
This is it.
This is THEE post that so many of you, including myself, have been waiting for since I started this blog in 2013.
What began with a few readers, has since led to millions of you following along, and it all culminates to this moment.
To recap for all of you who joined a bit later, it was 2012 when my abusive husband hit our baby, walked out the front door, and disappeared. A husband who I had been trying to leave for some time, in the end, simply vanished from my life after draining our bank account, maxing out our credit cards, quitting his job, ditching his vehicle, and shutting off his phone.
In the aftermath of his disappearance, I quickly learned that while I had been a housewife tending to our family, he had been living a double life filled with drugs, affairs, Craigslist hook-ups, embezzlement, and a long-planned attempt to do exactly what he did.
The more I discovered of his life, the more I was forced to reflect on my own, and in turn accept that much of what had led me there, had been because of what I was taught growing up. After much counseling, and some very difficult realizations, I disowned my entire family in an effort to create a new environment where my kids and I could grow, the right way.
For the next several years, my ex hid from us. Appearing in court only a handful of times, he made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with his previous life and had no intention of ever again seeing our kids again. Stating that he was unemployed and destitute, he managed to avoid being ordered to pay any real support.
Because of that, the kids and I lived in poverty. Feeding them from the food pantry, relying on welfare, and going without everything from birthday parties, to socks, I attempted to get back into the working world, and keep a roof over our heads.
It was about this time, that many of you joined me in my journey. You watched as I struggled to try and pick up my life. You tuned in when I dated, and got my heart broken. You cried with me while I navigated the lonely world of only parenting, and dealt with the trauma of raising two kids who wanted to know if their daddy still loved them. You cautioned as I decided to start a nonprofit for other DV survivors, and you rejoiced when it actually worked.
Before I knew it, four years had gone by, and in those four years, a lot changed. I learned a lot about myself, got remarried, my two children fell in love with the only daddy they can now remember, and in just a few weeks, a third child will join our family.
But the issue of my ex never went away. In court dates that have spanned the entire existence of this blog, you saw that I never made much progress.
Repeatedly taking my ex to court for unpaid child support, he wasn’t held to much of an obligation, since he claimed to just as poor as I was. When he failed to complete a court ordered job search, the judge didn’t even impose the sentence he had threatened, because my ex cried that he was living in his car. And each time we would come to an agreement as to how he would begin to pay off his debt, he’d comply only for a while before going off the grid again.
Two years ago, when the judge finally told him to bring a check or bring his toothbrush because he was going to jail, I thought that I had won. But it suddenly came out that he had not been homeless, had actually remarried shortly after leaving me, and was busy raising two new daughters.
I was devastated.
He cried, and begged to not be taken away from his children, and in a surprising ruling that goes against what the law says is just, the judge decided not to uphold his previous ruling. There would be no jail time for my ex’s failure to comply with a court order, because it was deemed too damaging to the family he lived with now, and wouldn’t allow him the opportunity to provide for any of his kids.
I begged Mr. Attorney Man to do something, because I knew that my ex would never pay. I was tired of seeing him walk out of court on his good luck and lies. But he can’t change a ruling, and in the end my ex was a free man.
That night when I got home, I did what I probably should have done years ago, and I asked a friend to look for him on Facebook, because I figured he had blocked me. Sure enough, he and his wife popped right up. Through screenshots, it became evident that he was not poor, or homeless, but instead enjoying vacations to Vegas, attending festivals, and eating out.
I didn’t know what to do. When is enough, enough, and you need to accept that you’ve done all you can and it’s time to move on?
In no big surprise, my ex failed to follow through on the newest court orders in place, and I was almost to the point of giving up, when The Boy Child was diagnosed with severe epilepsy. With medical bills stacking up and a financial shortfall that was affecting his quality of care, I was left with no choice but to once again turn to the person equally responsible for supporting my son.
I offered him a deal; pay a certain amount per week, and I wouldn’t come after him for everything else he owed me.
I didn’t want to go to court again, but my ex ignored all of my attempts at a civil resolution.
A petition was filed, and his financials were ordered to be turned over to my attorney.
For the first time since this ordeal had begun, my ex hired an attorney; a man who had six felony convictions, including homicide, and yet somehow still had a license to practice law. And on the day I received my ex’s financials, it became clear that he and his wife were far from poor; bringing in a six-figure salary between them, and very obviously hiding all of their assets under her name.
Looking over the case, my ex’s attorney reached out to mine, and admitted that they really had no case. “My guy owes the money, and there’s no way around it. But he doesn’t have an ability to pay, so I’d like to see if we can come to an agreement outside of court.”
I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of a deal, since my ex had never been one to follow through on his agreements, but I’d also never had much luck with the judge.
So when we arrived at the courthouse one morning in preparation to come to an agreement, I was taken aback at how pushy his attorney was, and how unhappy I was with what was being offered.
It was all too much, and much too rushed, and in the end when I said no deal, I angered nearly everyone when I left the courthouse without signing anything.
Soon after, my ex filed a motion to be removed as a responsible party to the extensive medical bills; claiming that his new family obligations meant that our children were too expensive for him to assist with.
But on the morning of the hearing for his petition and mine, he didn’t show up to court, and I learned that his wife had recently given birth to a third child.
I was furious.
His attorney once more offered a settlement; terms that stated his five-figure debt, would be paid down starting with a $2500 payment, given to me in two years.
I literally laughed out loud because the offer was so absurd, that it was utterly insulting.
“What do you want me to tell them?” Mr. Attorney asked.
“I don’t care if you even respond” I huffed.
Clearly, there was no real intention of having my ex ever pay what he owed.
Ten days later we showed up to the courthouse once again prepared and ready to go to hearing, only to be told that a custody issue had bumped us off the schedule.
Sitting in a conference room, I could hear Mr. Attorney Man and my ex’s attorney speaking in the hall.
“Your client is being unreasonable” the other attorney said. “There’s no way my client can pay. If we go to hearing, she’s going to end up getting less.”
“You have to understand” Mr. Attorney Man said, “that your client has come in year after year and perjured himself. My client is tired of it, and she isn’t willing to settle.”
It was two days later that the hearing finally got underway, and that is where this post really begins…
Please tune in TOMORROW for Part Two!
Which you can now read by clicking here.
Which you can now read by clicking here.
(This is what happens when a post ends up being 13 pages long…)