Why Living With A 7 Year Old Is Like Living With A Drunk College Student


Living with a 7 year old is like living with a drunk college student because you have absolutely no idea why they do most of what they do, you constantly have to watch them, and then there are moments when even during their stumbling awkwardness, they are able to argue an amazingly valid point.

I know this because I live with one and this is what a week of living with her looks like:

Monday:

I told The Girl Child to stop running down the hallway of the office building we were in. Looking very annoyed, she informed me “I am not running. I am speed walking and I just happen to be very good at it.”
Hum…

Tuesday:

Suddenly becoming aware of how quiet both kids had become, my motherly warning bells sounded the alarm and I went to check on them in the kitchen. The Boy Child was standing there with a mouth full of pretzels and I didn’t even have time to figure out what was going on before The Girl Child threw him under the bus.

“Mom” she said in a very serious tone, “he was trying to get me to sneak food but I told him that I have just taught myself how to stop sneaking food and I don’t want to get back into sneaking again.”

Nice. Now whatever 12 step program you seem to have graduated from, please pass those lessons onto your brother.


Wednesday:

I was cooking dinner when The Girl Child came leaping into the kitchen, proclaiming loudly “look at me, I’m a mental patient!” while dressed like this:
I gave her the responsible parenting line about being respectful of mental health issues, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t laughing.
Thursday:

While getting ready to take The Girl Child to school, I told her that when she got home that afternoon we were going to be cleaning out the car. She asked me if that would be immediately after school and when I said “yes,” she told me that she was going to try and get a detention today.

Friday:

The Girl Child: “Mom, can I stay up late tonight and finish the movie on the Disney channel?”
Me: “Not tonight hun, we need to get up early in the morning so you need to be in bed early.”
Her: “15 minutes?”
Me: “No minutes.”
Her: “Ten minutes?”
Me: “Zero minutes.”
Her: “Five minutes?”
Me: “If you ask me again, I’m going to start subtracting time from tomorrow as well.”
Her: (She looks at me suspiciously) “Uh… you don’t need to do that…It’s just that you looked like you had a hard day so I was going to stay up late, even though I will be tired tomorrow, so that I could rub your feet.”
Me: “…..15 minutes.”
Her: “Great! Let’s watch the Disney channel while I do it so that I don’t fall asleep.”
Me: *IN MY HEAD* Sneaky bitch… I’m so proud.

Saturday:

I overheard The Girl Child telling Henry Hamster “I’m your mom and it’s my job to teach you right from wrong, so I’m telling you that you need to stop standing on the kitchen table.”

Curious and slightly alarmed at the fact that Henry was out of his cage and on our kitchen table, I rushed into the kitchen to figure out what was going on.

My bad, apparently he was standing on his kitchen table.

Sunday:

While watching a news story of a baby born on an airplane, The Girl Child looked at me and said very seriously, “that woman probably should have had the baby in the bathroom, it definitely would have been more appropriate.”

OK then.

There’s never a dull moment here with this kid around…


****************

If You Liked This, Read These!

“And Then I Died”

“What The Hell?”

“Life In My House Is Strange”

“These Were Actual Conversations”

“I Learned My Kids Were Weird From Facebook”

“Facebook Continues To Remind Me That My Kids Are Weird”

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20 Comments

  • Carey H
    October 19, 2015 at 2:55 pm

    They only get better at the crazy as they get older. 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      Oh gosh… I can’t wait….

  • Butterfly14
    October 19, 2015 at 4:13 pm

    Thanks for making my morning!! Gotta love those bargaining skills 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      She learned from the best 😉

  • Facebook
    October 19, 2015 at 6:36 pm

    This is funny! I love the girl child!! She cracks me up!

  • Steven Theiss
    October 19, 2015 at 7:38 pm

    Girl Child is super awesome!

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      She takes after her mother. Hehe 🙂

  • nichole jenkins
    October 19, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    Ih my try living with a 15 year old eccentric girl child. She was walking around last night tellung everyone to touch her “cute” (her words) belly button. The child says her dad gave her a cute belly button because he cut the cord. She has an outty.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 21, 2015 at 2:31 pm

      Oh gosh lol. She sounds like a riot!

  • Facebook
    October 20, 2015 at 12:22 am

    I. Love. Her. And I have a sneaking suspicion my three year old will grow up to be very much like her.

  • afairytale84
    October 20, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    This is a kid who's going places. Seriously. She's awesome.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 21, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Nice!! lol

  • snork maiden
    October 21, 2015 at 6:11 pm

    She sounds gorgeous 🙂

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 27, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Love that phrase 🙂

  • nichole jenkins
    October 21, 2015 at 10:29 pm

    She has us laughing constantly

    • NotMyShametoBear
      October 27, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      I bet!

  • Movie Expert
    November 22, 2015 at 2:24 am

    I read your blog: http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-i-disowned-my-familyIt sounds like you went through a lot. I think worse than my mom as you were sexually abused as well by your husbands and divorced. You still managed to fall through no matter.I have something to say too. I go through problems myself. I was born with autism and often I'd do the craziest things without realizing it. When, I reached grade 6, I hit puberty.That's when I awoke emotionally and the pains of my parents abuse started getting me. I mean I felt it before, but now worse. I started feeling my parents when I was remember being physically and emotionally hurt.I used to be slapped and my dad would punch me in the gut when I was 5. Things began to change when I was 7. A teacher noticed a hand mark on my face and children aid came in.My parents agreed to stop hitting me and instead they turned to emotional abuse not that I didn't have, but now only that. As a young autistic 7 year old who barely knew what was going on, I thought at least they won't hit me.Of course, I learned that that was not any better. More pains came in emotionally. I was constantly put down a lot and my parents would excuse it with at least we aren't doing this or that.My mom's family disowned her in a sense and I feel sorry, but she aids my dad in the problem and makes me feel guilty when I'm trying to get help. It often hurts, but now I've been driven by ambition.This guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRSvU-6abPgWell the producer hired me as a result of my movie.Movie: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gY_fN7tvK4AMy parents called my movie shit and my efforts garbage. After the guy hires me, they call him a rapist with no evidence. It's a free production thing to earn experience, but they still aren't satisfied with that.They tell me that my efforts are useless. And if my mom isn't aiding, she watches as my dad pulled me off of the phone yesterday and I was discussing a meeting we were suppose to have this weekend.They were already asses, but now they are worsening as a result of ambition making me feel guilty for wanting that future. I felt so pressured by my dad that I actually apologized for having an ambition.Anyways, I had to talk to those guys about the issue so they know why it couldn't happen. Alim has a grade 7 son who is very smart in special effects.The Son's Work: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1SxQTkd8yUAnyways, I was suppose to meet him, but now I've been banned suddenly from accessing the phones and have sent the whole day in my room wallowing in fear of my dad's next move.I went a little crazy as the isolation is getting to me and all I have right now is the Internet to keep me sane. I don't know what to do.I am thinking of running away and moving in with a friend or surviving, but that might compromise my future. My emotionally abusive dad is forcing me into Accounting and the entire day he's been hating on me for not being obedient.

    • NotMyShametoBear
      November 23, 2015 at 2:32 pm

      Sounds like you’re having a rough go of things and I’m so sorry to hear that 🙁 Keep your chin up and know that you aren’t the only one going through this. You may feel isolated, but you aren’t alone in this.

      *HUGS*

  • Movie Expert
    November 23, 2015 at 9:15 pm

    I'm glad that you were able to walk away after years of torment. I'm also glad that you replied because I've stumble across blogs before and said something, but never got a reply. This is the first.*HUGS*

  • Movie Expert
    November 25, 2015 at 1:18 am

    Well, check out the movie whenever you have time and tell me if you like it. The idea somebody was willing to hire me for it shows potential. Actually, I met the person while I was filming it and the guy hadn't seen it yet, but anyways, given the awkward start, I got to know more about him and I can verify he's real.See My Trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nc7EIpftgakIf you don't have time to my hour long movie, see my trailer. You should also see the director's son's work which is 7 minutes.

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